For What It's Worth (Please Stay)
by EmilyFuckingFitch
Summary: Emily remembers when she first stood up to Katie for Naomi, when they first kissed. She remembers everything. Emily-centric. Takes place pre-S3 to S4. Skins retold in Emily's perspective.
1. September 18, 2009-September 20, 2009

**A/N****: **If all goes well, all 21 chapters will be written. Hopefully!

* * *

Emily remembers when she first stood up to Katie for Naomi. (Sort of.)

It was during the week of Cook's birthday. He was walking up to Emily, hollering her name the way he always did while she was opening her locker. She was in a particularly bad mood, only feeling it worsen the closer Cook got, because she didn't have the patience to deal with him that day. She was late for class, still had to do her paper that she hadn't started yet, had to do Katie's English coursework that was due Friday—

(She'd asked Katie the night before why she had to do her homework for her, to which Katie told her: "It's stupid how we're reading books by dead old people, Emily. And besides, no one else cares about Hamlet and all that literary shit except you. So write it.")

It was always like that, with every major assignment. Something was always too stupid. Too boring. Too much of a waste of time, time that apparently only Emily had and Katie hadn't. But Emily didn't mind doing Katie's work for her, usually. She'd become so used to the task of doing both their assignments that she often didn't question Katie when she'd give her another project to do. The younger twin would just take it from her sister's hands and enter the deadline in her scheduler to do later. And most of the time, Emily could handle it, doing double duty. But it was times like these when she felt so stressed from her own schoolwork, that she'd wonder whether she should be enabling her sister to depend on her, to let her do what she want, to let her manipulate Emily at Emily's expense.

_She'd do the same for you, _Emily tried reasoned in her head.

She tried to list all the times that Katie did do things for her recently, to reassure herself that their relationship was a give and take. But when she tried, all she could think of things that Katie had done _to_ her, like wearing Emily's clothes without asking, or borrowing money without paying her back, or making her do all their chores that one day because Katie was too hungover, and she couldn't help but wonder

_Would she?_

Emily shook her head to clear her doubts. This wasn't the time to think about that, she thought. Right now she had to find her maths textbook and get to her class, which she suspected was hidden somewhere in her locker, underneath all the clothes that Katie had thrown in there throughout the week.

"Guess what," she heard Cook say on her right, leaning against the adjacent locker.

"What, Cook," Emily asked distractedly, rifling through the clothes. Jackets, shirts, knickers. _God, Katie. _She scrunched up her face in disgust.

"My birthday's tomorrow and you twins are coming."

Emily paused. "I don't know, Cook," she hesitated out, pushing all the clothes to one side of the locker.

It wasn't that the girl didn't like him. She did. Sort of. It was just… sometimes he was too much. Too eerily similar to the Tasmanian Devil when there was enough alcohol in his veins and powder up his nose. But she always found Cook's presence to be pleasant, a compliment compared to what her sister thought of him.

(Emily stopped keeping track of how many times Katie had described him as disgusting.)

He chortled, unfazed. "Come on. It's a party. No one says no to a party. There'll be drinks and all that."

No, she thought. Not everyone's life revolved around parties. Hers being one of them.

She was going tell him that she wasn't going to go. Give him some excuse, like she had to visit her mum in the hospital. Or… something.

But then she remembered that Katie was _exactly_ the type of person to say yes to these things, even if Katie _did _find Cook to be repulsive. Which meant that Emily had to come with her.

Knowing that she had no way out of going now, she instead asked, "Who else will be there?"

Emily saw Cook grin in the corner of her eye before hearing him clear his throat. "My two mates, Freddie and JJ," he began to list. "Effy, of course." And then he paused, his smile falling a bit. "That one strange girl. Pandora."

He scrunched his nose. "Didn't want to invite that girl, really. But Effy told me I had to if I really wanted to end my birthday with a bang." He leaned in and smirked, raising his eyebrows suggestively. "And you know, Cookie Monster can't sleep without a good lay," he said lowly.

Emily frowned. She didn't like the way Cook talked when he spoke about Effy, like she was a sex conquest. Like a body to be had. It wasn't right. Effy deserved better.

She kept that opinion to herself; she didn't want to cause any trouble. "Are you inviting Naomi?" Emily asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Cook pursed his lips, rubbing his chin. "Naomikins?"

Emily grimaced at that, disapproving of his nickname for the blonde girl. It wasn't that she didn't like the nickname itself, because the name was actually quite cute. It was just _Cook _was the one who'd given the nickname to _Naomi. _

"Yeah," she finally got out as her started stacking all her books on top of one another. "Her."

"A bit hard up the ass, isn't she?"

_What?_ Emily turned her head and accidently hit it against the side of the locker. "Ow," she groaned, rubbing the top of her head.

Cook came closer and gently placed his hand over the same spot she was rubbing. "You alright, luv," he asked, concern etching his face.

"I'm fine," she reassured, taking his hand off her head lightly. "It'll come down in a bit." She was still rubbing her head, though.

If the blonde was skeptical with what she'd said, he surely didn't seem to show it. "Alright," he shrugged. "Whatever you say, luv."

Emily turned back to her locker. "And Naomi's not hard up the ass, Cook. She's nice."

He hummed in response, thinking. "I don't know." He leaned his shoulder against the lockers again. "She's a bit feisty to party."

"Please, Cook."

He tilted his head, his curiosity piqued. "Why?"

"Because…" Emily tried to come up with a reasonable explanation. She couldn't tell him that he should invite her because she and Naomi were friends because, well, they weren't exactly friends_._ Weren't really acquaintances either. In fact, they hadn't spoken since that first day, which was two weeks ago...but that didn't mean Emily hadn't try to. To speak with the blonde, that is. She did try. It's just that every time Emily attempted to get Naomi's attention, the blonde found a way to avoid her without fail. Every. Fucking. Time.

But Emily hoped that maybe with this, maybe with Cook's birthday party as a distraction and their mutual friends as buffers, she could finally talk to Naomi and explain herself to her. To clear the air and set things right. And then maybe the blonde would understand, let her start on a clean slate again.

"Because…" Cook prompted, waving his hands in front of her face, trying to snap her back to the present.

_The question, _she remembered. Emily wracked her head again for a decent explanation. Something that'd convince him to let Naomi come. Something that he couldn't say no to. Something that'd—

Emily saw Cook's face getting impatient, his frown deepening, and she panicked and thought _Just thing of something._

So she did and said it as soon as it came to her head.

"Because I'll bake you a cake," Emily blurted out, wincing inside after she said it. _Stupid. _She wanted to hit her head against the locker again.

Cook looked pleased with what she'd said, his face breaking into a wide grin. "Fucking awesome." He pushed himself off the lockers. "Alright, she can come," he nodded.

Emily looked at him wide-eyed, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. _Is he being serious? _He was going to agree to let Naomi come in exchange for cake?

She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to figure it out whether he was joking or not. She saw him still grinning genuinely, like a boy who'd been told that he'd get to eat all the candy in the candy factory.

_He's serious about this. _Emily shook her head incredulously. She couldn't believe it. But if a cake was all she needed to get him to agree then she wasn't going to question it.

Emily turned back to her locker. _Now for that math book, _she thought.

She removed all the textbooks from inside and placed them on the floor. She sat down, skimming each title for the one she was trying to find. _No. No. Nope. N—_

"I want the cake to be chocolate," she heard Cook say above her.

"Okay, Cook," she promised, reading the last one before realizing that her textbook wasn't in the pile. She frowned. Why wasn't her maths book wasn't in her locker, she wondered. Because she remembered vividly that she had it in her hand two days ago, standing in front her locker, about to put it inside. And then she'd heard J.J. calling her name a mile a minute as he was approaching her, worry written all over his face, and confessed to her that he'd ripped up his own maths textbook in another fit of his again, and that now he was panicking that he wouldn't be able to finish the problem sets before they were due. And Emily, taking pity on him, gave him a small smile and—

_J.J. has it. _She looked to her left, behind Cook, to check the clock for if she still had time to find J.J.

_10:54._

_Shit. _The class that she was initially five minutes late for was now almost over. She'd missed the class because she'd spent the entire time trying to find that maths book, the one she had to bring _to _that class.

Emily sighed, because there was nothing she could do about it now.

She started stacking her books back up. _I'll just text J.J. for it later,_ she thought.

"Or you know," Cook began to suggest, breaking her from her thoughts. "there are other ways of compensation," before thrusting his pelvis back and forth.

Emily's face contorted in disgust. "I think I'll bring the cake, Cook," she told him as she placed her books neatly in her locker and closing it.

He didn't seem insulted that she'd declined, though, because he laughed it off. "Suit yourself, luv." He started to walk away, telling her, "You're gonna be the one inviting Naomi," before rounding the corner.

Emily's face fell. She'd hoped that Cook was going to do that part for her. Because if he was the one inviting Naomi, the blonde would've most likely said yes.

With Emily asking, however…

She felt dread seep into her body. Naomi was surely going to reject her as soon as the redhead got it out of her mouth. Or maybe she'll just walk away before the shorter even got a chance to say anything. Or flat out ignore again.

Emily shook her head, trying to stop herself from thinking this way. No, she told herself. She wasn't going to let all the trouble she'd just gone through go to waste. Not after she'd dealt with Cook and missed her class.

The girl stood up resolutely and brushed off the dust on her skirt. _I_ w_on't know until I try, _she thought, and walked off to Naomi's classroom.

* * *

_Cook invited you to his party. _No. That didn't sound right. If Cook had been the one who invited her, why was she the one telling her?

She rehearsed again. _There's a party tomorrow. You should come. _She frowned. Naomi wouldn't say yes to that, especially when it'd come off as though Emily was the one inviting her… which she _was, _but Naomi didn't need to know that.

_You. Me. Party. _Oh, God, the redhead thought in horror. Her face scrunched up. _That'd sound like something Katie would say. _Naomi would surely say no to that.

But Emily ran out of time to practice, because students were beginning to shuffle out of Naomi's classroom. She took a deep breath. _Now or never. _She waited against the lockers, watching each of them exit until she saw the blonde.

"Naomi," Emily called, walking up to her. "Naomi."

The blonde turned to see who'd said her name and her eyes widened, obviously startled when she saw that it was Emily. She furrowed her eyebrows. "How'd you know that this was my classroom?"

"I…" The shorter girl looked to the floor in embarassment. _Shit_. Emily couldn't tell the taller girl how, because then she'd have to tell her how she'd asked around to see which classes Naomi had. And that'd sound like the redhead was stalking her, which would really scare the blonde away.

"Um…" the redhead dragged out, trying to buy time to think of something reasonable. But was coming to her. Emily wrung her hands together nervously. _Fucking shit. _She was horrible at acting under pressure. The conversation hadn't even last five seconds and it was already going downhill.

Emily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Just tell her the truth. _"Your classroom's near mine," she found herself saying. "Sometimes I see you leaving this room."

And that was the truth. Sort of. If you considered two floors up and thirteen doors to the right as near. And the shorter girl did sometimes see Naomi leave that room, when Emily excused herself to the bathroom toward the end of class to run down two flights of stairs and wait at the bottom of the staircase to watch the blonde leave her classroom.

They were chance encounters, really.

"Oh."

Emily opened her eyes and looked up, staring Naomi incredulously. _She bought it._

"Well," taller girl continued, frowned as she clutched her bag. "What do you want?"

Emily bit her lower lip, because here was the moment when the blonde was going to outright tell her no. Reject her. Walk away. And everything she'd put herself that day, all the nerves, the dread, the worrying—all of it would've been pointless.

_But might say yes, _she tried to reassure herself. Because despite believing that there was a very, very low possibility that the blonde was going to, there was still a chance that Naomi might say yes. There was hope, and as long as there was hope, Emily was definitely going to fight to hang onto it.

She steeled herself and told Naomi, "It's Cook's birthday tomorrow, and we'd all like it if you'd come."

The taller girl crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes. "Why should I go?"

_She's not saying no. _Emily continued to power through. "Because…it'll be fun, okay?" The redhead searched through her bag and took out a piece of paper with an address written on it, offering it to Naomi. "It'll be here."

The blonde looked at the paper skeptically, looking as though she was contemplating whether or not to take it.

The shorter girl waited patiently. If Naomi was really giving it that much thought, Emily reasoned, it surely meant that the odds were now dead even, that there was a legitimate chance that the blonde was going to say yes. Emily waited it out as the other students passed them by, as they walked into their respective classrooms, as the stragglers left the building, until the hallways were clear with everyone but them.

Naomi frowned, pursing her lips, and then finally, she took the paper from Emily's hands.

The shorter girl grinned. _Yes! _Her plan was going to work. The blonde was going to go to the party. She was going to get a chance to talk to the taller girl and explain her side. She really had a shot at fixing things with Naomi.

But Emily's smile fell when she noticed that the blonde was still frowning at her, her lips still pursed, her eyes wary, her arms crossed. Naomi looked defensive, like she was trying to figure out what was the redhead's motive. The Emily furrowed her eyebrows. She didn't understand why the blonde was acting like this, looking at her so suspiciously. As though Emily was going to stab her in the back in some way, when she never did anything to hur—

and then she realized, Naomi didn't _trust _her.

_Oh._

Naomi didn't trust her. Emily ran it over again in her head. Tried to rationalize it. Process it. Register it. Understand it.

Emily took in a deep breath and exhaled.

And then she accepted it. She accepted it because Naomi had every right not to trust her. Because when the shorter girl thought back to every recent moment they'd been near each other, she realized that she'd done nothing redeemable for the blonde. She'd let her sister continue on perpetuating the lie about the taller girl, let her sister spew hateful words at her. She'd done nothing to stop Katie, nothing to prove to Naomi that she deserved her trust. So really, there was no other way for her but _to_ accept it.

But Emily still wanted Naomi to come to the party, for the blonde's sake. The taller girl deserved to have fun with the rest of their group, and the girl's distrust toward Emily shouldn't be a factor against that. So the shorter girl put her own personal feelings aside, her disappointment in herself, her frustration, her sadness, her regret; she filed them all away.

"Just think about it, okay," Emily told Naomi softly, giving her a small smile. She stepped in closer to place her hand on the taller girl's forearm, squeezing it reassuringly. "I really do think you'd have fun."

The redhead released Naomi's forearm, turned around and walked toward the door leading outside, her converses plopping against the floor.

Emily didn't know how she felt, how she should feel. Because although she was sad that Naomi saw her as someone not worthy of trusting, Emily knew that she had no right to be. She was the one who'd caused the blonde to not trust her, letting Katie do what she wanted to do, allowing her sister to continually do it because she was too afraid to stand up for herself.

And Naomi didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve Katie and all the shit her sister was doing to her. And she didn't deserve Emily. The blonde deserved better, because _this _version of herself simply wasn't brave enough for the taller girl. Wasn't strong enough. Wasn't good enough to even be her friend. And she thought that Naomi believed the same.

So it took Emily by surprise that, when she opened the door and stepped outside, she heard Naomi faintly saying, "I'll come," before the door closed.

The redhead paused, trying to understand what'd just happened, why the blonde had said that. Why she'd affirmed to Emily that she was going to go when she didn't have to tell her. Like the taller girl was trying to convey to her that she had some faith in Emily that she _could _change into a person who could be trusted.

_Maybe Naomi does see something in me,_ she thought. Something good in her. Something that _could _be good enough for the blonde. At that, Emily smiled.

If there's ever hope, she was going to fight to hang onto it.

* * *

The party was going well. Really, it was. No one was shouting at each other, no more vicious words were being thrown. Everyone was pleasant. Cordial.

That was until her sister blatantly made a nasty remark at Naomi, again.

(She'd averted Katie's first round of insults by distracting all of them with the cake she'd made for Cook, which was meant to be _shared,_ but Cook had eaten all of it. And then after announcing that he was full, he went outside for fresh air with J.J. and Freddie following him.)

"No one wants you here," Katie sneered at Naomi. "So why don't you just stop making us suffer and leave?"

Wide-eyed, Emily turned to look at the blonde to gauge the taller girl's reaction, to figure out what the girl was going to do. But when she turned to look, she saw that Naomi wasn't looking at her sister. Naomi was looking at the younger twin with a narrowing gaze and her arms crossed, as though it was Emily who'd thrown the insult.

Emily shifted uncomfortably in her seat, cowering away from the blonde's stare. _Why is she glaring at me?_

Katie leaned across the table, her palms planted down, and asked louder, "Do I have to repeat myself, you twat?"

_No,_ she groaned internally. When the she invited Naomi, she intended on the blonde having fun, not for her to have a verbal smackdown with her sister.

Emily turned to Effy for help, to stop her sister's wrath, but the taller girl didn't look concerned with what was transpiring in front of them. She was just… with a detached expression on her face, as though she didn't care what would happen.

The shorter girl turned to Pandora, her only hope to stop Katie's rampage. But her face quickly fell when she saw that the girl was dead asleep, her head leaning back against the couch cushion, her mouth wide-open as she snored.

_Shit._ There went her hope.

"No. One. Wants. You. Here," she heard her sister emphasize.

Emily covered her face with her hands. This wasn't supposed to happen, she was supposed to be fun. Everyone was supposed to get along and be happy and—

"God, are you deaf," she heard Katie screech. "I knew you had the gay disability but I didn't know you had the Helen Keller one too."

She shook her head behind her hands. _Katie, please,_ she pleaded in her head. _Just stop._

"Katie," she heard Effy say calmly on her left. Emily slowly lowered her hands. "Shut up."

Her sister threw the taller girl a harsh glare, but Effy remained unfazed. "Whatever," she scoffed, grabbing her things, and stormed out.

Emily breathed out a sigh of relief. She was going to make sure to bake a cake for Effy later to thank her.

Emily turned to look at Naomi to see how she was doing. To her surprise, the blonde was still looking at her, her posture exactly as it was in the beginning of her confrontation with Katie. But her face wasn't frowning anymore, and she wasn't throwing her harsh cold glares. It was just... _blank_, as though she wasn't expecting anything anymore, had no more chances to give Emily. As though Naomi just stopped _caring._

Emily frowned, wondering why the blonde was acting like this, so callous and indifferent. Why she suddenly had a change of heart from yesterday, from having faith in Emily to having none at all.

"Not enough alcohol for this," Naomi muttered. She stood up and walked toward the bar.

_I must've done something wrong,_ she thought. But what? Emily hadn't even spoken to her since yesterday and—

"Naomi's upset with you," the redhead heard the brunette say matter-of-factly.

_What?_ Emily looked up at Effy, confused. "What do you mean?"

The brunette didn't answer. Instead, she turned her face toward the bar. Emily followed the taller girl's line of vision and saw Naomi downing a glass of beer, with two already empty glasses in front of her. Emily grimaced at how much the blonde was drinking.

"She's hurt," Effy observed. "Disappointed."

The redhead scrunched her face in confusion. _Why?_ She hadn't done anythi—

_I didn't do anything, _she realized. Of course. It made sense now, why Naomi was glaring at her and not Katie then. Why her face grew stoic. It was the same reason why the blonde did the same thing to her on that first day: She didn't stand up against Katie. Because to the blonde, not saying anything at all held the same weight as saying something.

(_I hate injustice,_ she remembered Naomi say.)

Emily frowned. _God, she must hate me,_ she thought. Naomi gave her another chance yesterday and she blew it. Did the same shit as she did before. And now Naomi was hurting because of her. The redhead sighed heavily, resting her head on the palms of her hands. Every time she tried to do something she always ended up screwing things somehow. Everything she did always ended up wrong. Not good enough. Never good enough.

"I know," Emily finally muttered out to Effy. "I know. But I can't fix it."

The brunette turned back to the redhead and stared at her. "What's stopping you?"

_Everything. _The shorter girl looked at Naomi forlornly. "It's… complicated."

Emily faced Effy again and saw something flicker in her eyes, as though the cogs in her head were turning, like she was catching on.

Effy smirked at her.

_Shit._

"Party people," Cook shouted from the outside, startling both the girls. "The fun's just beginning. Come on, let's go." He banged against the window with his hands. "The night's still young and many lays to be had at the engagement party we're going to!"

_I can't let her know._ Taking this opportunity to leave, Emily quickly grabbed her things, stood up, and walked toward the door before Effy could say anything to her.

* * *

Emily had a game plan.

She was going to ignore Naomi whenever Effy was around. If she did it long enough, the redhead thought, the brunette would eventually file away whatever she'd assumed about the shorter girl as incorrect. And then her secret would be safe again.

It was a good plan, but it was harder to execute than Emily originally thought.

Because for some reason, right after they left the pub, the blonde seemed to had decided to stop acting distant toward her, to stop actively trying to avoid the shorter girl like she'd done for the past two weeks. The entire walk to the engagement party, Naomi was right next to her, keeping her own footsteps in time with her Emily's. And although the taller girl was still wasn't talking to her, it still didn't take away from the fact that the blonde was so close to her, that every-so-often, Emily could smell the girl's perfume when the wind blew against them, or felt her body jolt in pleasure when their arms would accidently brush against each other. The shorter girl found herself struggling to keep looking straight ahead and keep her hands to herself.

But she knew she couldn't give in to temptation, that she shouldn't. Because she knew that Effy was behind them, watching their every move, analyzing them, looking for any evidence that her intuition was right.

So Emily willed herself to handle it, to handle Effy's surveillance, the pressure of keeping appearance, the temptation. And through their entire walk to the yacht, she did handle it. She began to think that this wasn't as difficult as it was going to be.

That is until they finally got inside the party. Because once they got inside, Katie went to the bathroom with the others to snort Cook's "special mix" of powder with the others, and when she came back out, decided to shed all pretenses of civility and started to make snide comments at Naomi, again. Now she not only had to deal with Katie, but Effy as well. Emily was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"Careful not to go near that dyke over there," Katie told the bride-to-be, loud enough for Naomi to hear, "she might get handsy and 'accidently' fuck you. Probably even has a strap-on in her bag. You know how the gays are."

The younger twin winced, but didn't say anything.

"This is fucking bullshit," the blonde fumed, slamming her glass of champagne down in anger. She grabbed her bag from the table and stormed out.

_Don't go. _"Wait," Emily cried out. She chased after her, gracefully dodging people along the way. She called out again as she got closer. "Wait!"

But the blonde didn't answer, didn't stop walking.

"Naomi— "

The taller girl turned around suddenly, crossing her arms. "Why does your sister think _I'm _gay, Emily?"

The shorter girl slowed her steps to a stop.

"Because if I remember correctly," Naomi continued, "_you _were the one who kissed _me _that night_._"

Emily looked down at her feet. She didn't know what to say, because all the reasons why her sister thought the blonde was gay, all the reasons why Katie continued to think she was gay, were all ultimately traced back to the shorter girl. Because she was scared. Weak. A coward. And those reasons alone just weren't good enough to tell Naomi, to justify the innumerable times that she'd hurt the girl by letting Katie insult her, while she stood there and watched helpless, doing nothing to stop her sister.

So Emily didn't say anything at all.

"Should've expected that," the blonde breathed out irritably. "I don't know why I even fucking bother." She turned around and started walking toward the other direction.

_How many times are you going to let her walk away from you?_ How many times before she gets tired of waiting for you to be brave? Before she's really gone and out of your life for good?

Emily took a deep breath. She was going to take a chance. For once, she was going to be brave.

"Wait," the redhead called out again. Naomi paused, but didn't turn around. "That night, after she saw us… kiss," the shorter girl began confessing. "I didn't tell her I was the one who kissed you first." She clasped her hands behind her back, ashamed. "I didn't want her to think I was gay," she admitted, biting her lower lip.

Emily heard footsteps coming toward her and looked up. Naomi was in front of her now.

"I'm sorry," the shorter girl apologized softly, genuinely.

Naomi pursed her lips, looking as though she was debating whether she should accept the shorter girl's apology. Emily shuffled her feet nervously. She hoped that what she said was enough, hoped that she didn't have to tell the blonde _why _she didn't want her sister to think she was gay, because that was the one thing that Emily knew she couldn't bring herself to say to her, not when her sister was still somewhere near and could overhear her. She couldn't risk the possibility of Katie reacting horribly to it, the prospect of her sister hating her for it, the probability of her telling their parents and having _them _hate her, the idea that Katie will stop being her _sister._

And then Naomi let out a deep sigh. "Well," she started, crossing her arms. "You going to tell her the truth any time soon?"

Emily's eyes widened in panic. _No. _She couldn't.

"Emily!"

_Fucking hell. _It was Katie.

"Why the fuck are you always around that dyke, Emily," her sister scolded as she approached them.

But the younger twin didn't turn around. She whispered to Naomi, "I can't. Not now," her tone desperate.

The blonde shook her head and heaved an exasperated sigh, as though she couldn't believe she'd expected anything different.

Emily looked down in shame, but didn't say anything else. She didn't blame Naomi for feeling that way, because the shorter girl felt just as disappointed in herself too. Because despite desperately wanting to prove to the blonde that she deserved all the chances that the taller girl had given to her, despite telling herself to be brave just moments ago, the redhead didn't pull through. She'd let Naomi down _again. _Emily was frustrated that she kept disappointing the blonde, frustrated with her sister for making her disappoint the taller girl, frustrated with herself that she was just _stuck _being this person who was too afraid. She was just so frustrated, with everything.

"Keep your lezzie disease to yourself, yeah," Katie sneered at the blonde.

_God, Katie. _Emily turned around to look at her sister. She was so sick of hearing her sister be spiteful. She was tired of her sister's unjustified vindictiveness, tired of her making stupid snide remarks about being gay, that Emily's previous frustration morphed into a source of courage. She found herself telling Katie forcefully, "Katie, stop."

Katie looked taken aback, shocked. "What?"

Emily's eyebrows shot up, realizing what she'd just said to her sister. For the first time in her life, she'd stood up to her sister, albeit very insignificantly, but still. _She_ had finally stood up to _Katie. _The younger girl smiled to herself, felt her confidence swell in the small victory. It was something, she thought. A start.

But her celebration was short-lived. Katie regained her composure and stressed, "Emily, she's _gay,_" emphasizing the last word in disgust.

And just like that, Emily's smile fell, her confidence was replaced with petrifying fear, her victory with hopeless defeat, because she remembered what was at stake, remembered how quickly that phrase could change its meaning, from Katie telling her that Naomi's gay to Katie telling other people that _she _was gay. She remembered consequences, how, if she defended Naomi, the "gay" girl, Katie would want to know why, and her sister would eventually figure out that it was Emily who'd kissed Naomi, that it wasn't the blonde who was gay all along, but _her._

"Careful Katie," she heard Naomi say behind her. "If you don't get that stick out of your ass soon, I'm afraid you might forever stay being a prick."

Emily turned around to look at the blonde, who was staring back at her. The taller girl's eyes, which were usually so bright and full of fire, were now a darker hue to blue, filled with disappointment, disappointment that _she'd _made her feel.

And then it was gone, just as quickly as she'd seen it. Naomi took a deep breath and walked away from her.

Emily had never felt so shitty in her life.

"Whatever," her sister scoffed under her breath as she headed back to the party. "Least the cunt's gone." Emily heard Katie's footsteps grow fainter and fainter.

The younger twin closed her eyes, exhaling wearily. She couldn't keep doing this to Naomi. She couldn't keep letting her down, keep hurting her. But she couldn't keep _not _doing it either, because as long as she had her secret needing to be kept, as long as she was still afraid, Emily was going to continue hurting the blonde, one way one or another. She couldn't do anything to stop that inevitability. The only thing she could do is assess the damages and apologize.

So she did.

The next day, Emily had a bag of chocolate chip cookies she'd made that morning, in her hand, as she waited for Naomi outside her classroom to tell her she was sorry. But when the blonde exited the room and saw the redhead, with her smile tentative and apologetic, her arm extended to offer her the cookies, the taller girl immediately shifted her gaze straight ahead and walked past her.

Emily's face fell. Cookies weren't going to cut it, and a hesitant smile wasn't going to fix anything. She had to try harder.

"Naomi," the shorter girl shouted as she started to follow the blonde. "Naomi, I'm sorry." The taller girl kept walking but the redhead didn't relent. "Truly, I'm sor—"

"Emily," Naomi snapped back, cutting her off. "Your sorrys don't mean a shit."

Emily fell silent. Because the blonde was right: no matter how many times she'd had sorry, no matter how many times she was going to say sorry to her, it still didn't change anything, still wouldn't change anything. It was just another empty promise that the shorter girl had already given Naomi hundreds too many.

But it was the only way she knew how to show that she was sorry, the only way of apologizing that she knew she _could _do for Naomi.

So the redhead admitted meekly, "I don't know how else to apologize to you, Naomi."

The blonde stopped and turned to face her, her arms crossed. "You _do,_" she said assertively. "Just tell them the truth." They've been here before.

"I can't," Emily wavered, pleading the taller girl to understand.

Naomi scoffed as though that answer wasn't good enough. "Don't speak to me until you grow a pair, Emily." She turned around and resumed walking to her next class.

"Shit," Emily cursed under her breath. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ She'd screwed things up again by just trying to apologize. God, every time she tried to fix things she only ends up making it worse for herself. Now how was she going to make it up to Naomi now?

Emily sighed and walked over to the side of the hallway. She leaned her back against the lockers and reassessed her situation. What Naomi wanted her to do was to tell the truth, and the blonde wasn't going to speak to her unless she did. But she couldn't do that. She couldn't tell them without them thinking that she was gay… or could she?

Emily pursed her lips. Naomi just wanted her to tell the truth, that the blonde wasn't the one who kissed her first. That's all. After confessing that, she could then add on whatever she wanted to make it sound like the kiss was a fluke. _This could work, _the redhead thought, and decided to execute her plan, hoping that it wouldn't fail.

It didn't, fail that is. When she told everyone emphatically that it wasn't Naomi who kissed her, that it was Emily who'd kissed the blonde, that it was because of the MDMA which made her not care whom she was kissing, they didn't question it. More importantly neither did Katie (to which Emily breathed a sigh a relief and thanked her lucky stars). In fact, they were all more concerned with helping Thomas sell off his weed.

"Cook, where the fuck is that party you promised me," Effy asked coldly.

Unfazed, Cook grinned at her. "Don't you hear it, luv?" He crouched down to remove the metal lid, revealing a ladder leading to a party happening below. "It's right here."

They all climbed down the ladder and divided off into two groups, with Cook, Katie, Freddie, and J.J. covering the right area to sell, and Naomi, Emily, Effy, and Pandora covering the left. But after three minutes of walking through the crowded walkways, Emily eventually lost the rest of her group.

Trying to make her way out, she tried to push her way through, frowning in discomfort as she felt other people's bodies pressed against her, all of them losing themselves to the music blaring from the speakers, to the sounds reverberating against the walls, to the beats that thrummed against their chests, to the drugs in their veins and the euphoria in their heads.

_Fuck's sake. _She stood on the tips of her toes, trying to find someone she recognized to escape from these people she didn't know. Looking around, she saw a glimpse of short blonde hair. _Naomi. _She followed the taller girl as the girl headed toward a less crowded, well-lit hallway. As the redhead got closer, she began to wonder whether or not to approach the blonde, because although she did what Naomi asked of her, she was still unsure whether they were on good terms now, whether the taller girl had forgiven her.

But Emily took a chance and said the first thing that came to her mind, something that she'd been wanting to say to her but hadn't had the chance.

"Thanks for keeping schtum," the shorter girl murmured out.

Upon hearing her, Naomi turned around, startled. After seeing that it was only Emily, she visibly relaxed. She shrugged, "I don't care what your sister thinks."

Emily fidgeted with her fingers nervously. "Well, I do." She gave the blonde a tentative smile. "So thanks anyway."

Naomi didn't give her a smile in return. The blonde turned her face toward the other direction, watching the other people dance to the music, leaving the redhead standing there awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

Maybe it was the second hand smoke from the blunts lit around her, maybe it was the lack of air in the room, maybe it was the uncomfortable silence between them that she couldn't stand anymore, but Emily found herself blurting out: "I didn't take MDMA that night."

Naomi turned to look at her, her eyebrows furrowed, as though she was confused as to why the shorter girl was telling her this.

"I just…" Emily bit her lower lip. "I just wanted to kiss you," the redhead confessed.

The blonde's eyes widened in shock. "You're gay?"

"No, no," the redhead backtracked, panicking. _Shit, _she thought. She didn't mean for this conversation go this way. "I…" she began to explain, but she quickly faltered, not knowing how to finish her sentence. She ended up shrugging weakly. "Sorry."

"Yeah, me too," Naomi said in a judging tone, giving her a once-over before walking away.

"Shit," Emily muttered under her breath, scolding herself for scaring the blonde off, for blurting out something so stupid. She turned around, intending to leave the party, when she jolted in surprise to see Effy standing there, leaning against the dirt wall, a knowing smirk on her lips. _Shit. She must've heard our entire conversation, _the redhead thought worriedly. Effy was going to put two and two together. She was going to figure out that she was gay.

"You like her."

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ She knew. Effy knew, had probably known since Cook's party. Emily began to panic. _What am I supposed to do now?_

The brunette didn't wait for the shorter girl to respond. She immediately turned around and headed toward the exit.

_Fuck. _Emily couldn't let Effy tell anyone else. The redhead chased after her.

"Wait," the shorter girl cried out, but the brunette didn't stop as she climbed up the ladder.

"Please, Effy," Emily pleaded, following the taller girl up to the surface.

She reached back up to the parking lot found the brunette sitting on the ledge overseeing Bristol's streets, lighting a cigarette. The redhead approached the taller girl and sat next to her.

"Effy," Emily whispered softly, turning to face her. "Effy, please don't tell anyone."

The brunette didn't respond as she continued looking straight ahead, inhaling from her cigarette with a sense of apathy. The redhead sighed, turning to look what Effy was looking at and saw the expanse of Bristol. Saw the city lights glowing against the night sky, saw the cars driving below them, the pedestrians walking down paved streets. She closed her eyes and felt the wind hit her body, trying to soothe her, and she couldn't help but think, how can the night feel so calm when she feels as though her life is falling apart?

"I don't care that you're gay, Emily," Effy said in an even tone before exhaling smoke. "No one would give a fuck."

The shorter girl laughed dryly, shaking her head as she opened her eyes. "Katie would. She'd hate me."

The brunette hummed but didn't say anything else. She inhaled from her cigarette again before changing subjects. "Your sister's insecure, isn't she."

Emily turned to face her, her eyes ablaze with protectiveness. "No," Emily said defensively.

Effy looked at the redhead, her eyes piercingly blue and haunting, as though she could see through her lies. The brunette stared her down, like she knew what Emily couldn't admit aloud, and the shorter girl cracked.

"I mean, I don't know," the redhead said in a meek voice, turning to look back toward the city streets. "I'm not Katie."

Effy didn't say anything to that.

Silence sat between them as they watched the streets of Bristol come alive. The sound of wheels against paved streets, the howl of the wind against their ears, and the sound of the brunette inhaling and exhaling smoke. Them, just _being._

"But she acts as though you are," the taller girl said matter-of-factly, picking up the conversation again.

Emily pursed her lips, frowning. "She means well."

In the corner of her eye, the shorter girl saw Effy give her a condescending smirk. "Then you being gay shouldn't be a problem now, should it?" The brunette asked cheekily, throwing her cigarette over the ledge. "Or does hating you for who you are her way of meaning well?"

Emily furrowed her eyebrows. She didn't know what to say to that, because Effy did have a point. If Katie always had her best interest had heart, Emily wouldn't have to be so petrified with the possibility that her sister might find out that she was gay, wouldn't have to be so scared of saying the wrong thing, shouldn't have to be keeping what she was a secret. But Katie, she… she was her _sister. _Even if Katie didn't have her best interest all the time didn't disregard that fact, or the fact was that she couldn't, wouldn't lose her sister. Not over this.

Emily smiled sadly at Effy. She murmured, "She's the only one that matters."

The brunette laughed humorlessly, seeming to have accepted her answer. "Love really fucks you up, doesn't it?"

_It does_, the redhead thought. This entire mess, when simplified, was down to that. How she wanted to love Naomi but couldn't, because the blonde wasn't gay and didn't want her either; how Emily wanted to keep her sister to not stop loving her, even if it meant costing herself what she wanted; how loving someone can never just be _simple._

Emily shrugged to the taller girl in response, because there was nothing else to add to that. Effy said it perfectly: Love really fucked you up.

* * *

**A/N: **Next chapter, First Kiss. We're gonna go backwards in time :D


	2. May 24, 2008

**A/N: **Next chapter, first time Emily and Naomi became just friends, a.k.a. their time at Pandora's Party.

* * *

Emily remembers when she and Naomi first kissed.

They were at Mitch's house party. Katie had sauntered off to the kitchen to get a couple of drinks for herself and her boyfriend Danny, leaving Emily alone in the living room with a bunch of nameless people she didn't know, people whom she didn't _want _to know. Because truthfully, Emily didn't want to go to the party that night, but Katie being _Katie _always knew how to get things her way.

("Don't be a daft cow, Emily. Come on. Get dressed. Danny will be here in ten."

And really, how could she say no to _that._)

But just because she didn't want to be there didn't mean she minded. Katie wanted her there, and if Katie wanted her there, she'd stay, because although she'd tentatively deny it, Emily would do anything for Katie, her sister who, at the end of the day, would always be the one by her side, protecting her, defending her. When Emily really needed her, Katie was always there, and she believed that Katie would always be there. Always.

So Emily pouted silently, walking absentmindedly into the living room as Katie had her fun doing God knows what with her boyfriend. She looked around the walls, trying to find something that'd catch her interest or for something to do. There was a plasma screen t.v. that she couldn't watch because some twats were hogging the remote. There were stuffed deer heads which made her internally gag, family photos on the mantel… _Ah! _Emily spotted a bookshelf and immediately walked over to it, skimming the books for something that'd help her pass the time while she was waiting for Katie.

She read through the book titles in her head. _Pride and Prejudice. Jane Eyre. Wuthering Heights. Sherlock Holmes. Moby Dick._

She scrunched her nose. These weren't the books she wanted to read, but still, she continued her search.

_Yes! _Emily grinned. She'd found something.

She carefully took _Cyrano De Bergerac _off the shelf and headed to the front porch to read. She looked around to see if there was anyone outside, making sure that this spot was a guarantee for some quiet time to herself, away from everyone else. Seeing as there was no one there, she sat down on the steps and leaned against the railing. She sighed contentedly, opening the book to begin reading.

"Your sister's real classy," she heard someone say on her left.

_Great. _"What," Emily tried to ask politely, turning to see who was talking to her, only to find that it was a tall, blonde, icy blue-eyed girl, leaning against the doorframe. _Naomi. _The girl from her lit class who sat two seats next to her. The same girl who always went on a fiery tirade against the teacher about how it was people like him who kept pushing the Feminist Movement fifty years back, when he'd let a misogynistic comment slip. The one whom Emily's gaze would linger on when her mind drifted off during their in-class readings, only to quickly look down at her book, a blush creeping on her cheeks and her ears tinging red, when the girl caught her staring.

_God, she's beautiful._

"Your sister," Naomi repeated, breaking her thoughts. The blonde nodded toward the living room behind her.

Emily's face scrunched in confusion. She leaned her body forward to see what was happening inside the house, and found that Katie and her boyfriend were dancing very closely against each other among a crowd of people.

Katie and her boyfriend, who were now lewdly grinding against each other.

"Oh, God," Emily breathed out, bringing her hand to her mouth in horror, unsure whether she was more disgusted or embarrassed by her sister.

The blonde shrugged as she walked closer to the redhead. "Least your sister's not the only one dancing like that." She sat on the same step as the shorter girl, leaning against the railing on the opposite side. "I swear, they're all having an orgy with clothes on."

Emily stayed silent, not because she didn't want to talk to the girl, but because she couldn't think of anything to say while she was trying to get her body under control and calm down. Her heart was beating rapidly against her chest, her stomach was fluttering and in knots, her hands were fidgeting nervously, because this was the first time she'd ever spoken to Naomi. _Naomi, _the girl whom she'd been glancing at in school for the past three years, wanting more than anything to talk to her, to be her friend, but was too scared to actually do it. And now here she was, talking to her as though it was nothing new, as though they'd done it plenty of times before.

"You know school's over, yeah," she heard Naomi ask. The blonde had an amused smile on her lips. "You don't have to keep reading the shit material they assign us anymore."

Emily looked down at her book, blushing. "Yeah, I know," she mumbled out. "But I want to read this one."

"At a party?" Naomi asked skeptically, her eyebrow arched.

"It's my favorite," the shorter girl defended, feeling her nervousness begin to dissipate. She showed the book to the taller girl, as though it'd justify her answer. "_Cyrano de Bergerac._"

The blonde furrowed her eyebrows. "Why?" She crossed her legs, haughtily. "That play's just about two wankers who couldn't shag the girl."

The redhead frowned, not liking how Naomi was speaking about it. "But it's more than that." Emily gently put it back down on her lap and began listing the reasons on her hand. "It's about selflessness for the one you love, even if it's unrequited. It's about loyalty, how Cyrano kept schtum to his last dying breath." The redhead looked down at her book but kept continuing. "It's about the fact that both of them loved her and would've given anything for Roxanne's happiness, about how their lives ultimately end in tragedy _because_ of that; because of how they made her choice of whom to love _for _her." She looked back up at Naomi, crossing her arms. "So really, it's more than just about, as you say 'two wankers who couldn't shag a girl,'" she said, using her hands to air-quote.

Naomi looked impressed, but she bit her lower lip as though she was trying to stifle her laugh. The blonde deadpanned, "A bit melodramatic, isn't it?"

Emily huffed. "What's your favorite play, then?"

"_Titus Andronicus_," Naomi said simply, like it was a no-brainer.

Emily arched her eyebrow. "You're calling mine melodramatic when your favorite is that?"

"Yes," she nodded, a smug smile on her lips. "There's nothing melodramatic about justice."

Emily exclaimed incredulously, "Most of them die at the end!"

Naomi crossed her arms and refuted, "That's not that point. The point is Titus kept with his principles until he died."

"But he died because of them."

The blonde turned her body toward the redhead. "Doing the right thing doesn't always have happy endings." She shrugged. "Gets shit done, though."

Emily didn't respond, her attention too preoccupied with what Naomi was wearing: her red plaid shirt, her dark destroyed shorts, her black leggings. The redhead bit her lower lip.

"So why're you here?" Naomi asked.

_Shit. _Emily looked away, blushing because she was staring at the blonde so blatantly. "My sister dragged me here. She wanted me to go."

She saw Naomi tilt her head in the corner of her eye. "Do you always do what she tells you?"

"I guess," Emily said offhandedly, but quickly frowned at her own admission, for sounding as though she was just her sister's shadow. She backtracked, "I mean, she'd never tell me to do something that'd hurt me. She looks out for me."

Naomi leaned forward toward her, perplexed. "You'd rather do what she wants than what you want?"

Emily turned to face her, furrowing her eyebrows. "What are you implying?"

The blonde shrugged. "Sometimes it looks like you never do anything for yourself." Naomi folded her knees underneath her and continued casually. "I just wanted to know what you wanted."

"Oh." The shorter girl looked up at the night sky, avoiding Naomi's gaze. She was embarrassed that she got worked up over something like that, something that the blonde only intended to be a simple question with no malicious intent. She breathed in deeply and exhaled, trying to regain her composure.

_What __I __want_, she thought. _What would I want if I had the chance…_

"Well," Emily sighed out, resting her elbows on the steps behind her. She closed her eyes, imagining what her life could be. "I'd want to go to a university. To be honest, I've always wanted to be a photographer. Maybe move to the states." She smiled, losing herself to her daydream. "Fall in love. Get married. Have kids." She opened her eyes, back to reality. She shrugged, "You know, all that."

"Anything else?"

Emily pursed her lips, trying to this of something else she wanted out of her life.

_Oh! _"I'd want," she began to say, turning her face to tell Naomi. But as she did so, her nose grazed the blonde's and the rest of her sentence was left unfinished, because she all she could notice was how close their bodies were. How Naomi's blue eyes were filled with curiosity and warmth and something else she couldn't pin point, how the blonde's teeth were biting her lower lip as the girl waited for her to finish her sentence, how _soft_ her lips looked; how the blonde was emanating her warmth in waves and how the air was becoming intoxicated by Naomi's close presence.

The blonde's eyes flickered on Emily's lips. "You'd want…?"

Emily leaned in closer. "I'd want..." she started, but the sentence died off again.

She licked her lips and whispered a third time, "I'd want…"

_You _remained unsaid because Emily pressed her lips gently on Naomi's. The blonde let out a soft gasp, causing the shorter girl's eyes to widen in shock, realizing what she'd done.

_I just kissed Naomi. _

No. No no no no. This was not how this was supposed to happen. This was not how friends were made. This was how friends were scared away. She was only supposed to be talking to the blonde and get to know her and now she'd screwed everything up and they weren't even _friends _yet. She had to pull back and tell her that it was a mistake and apologize profusely for her actions and then run quickly away and—

Emily felt the taller girl kissing back and her eyes immediately fluttered closed. Suddenly the redhead didn't find herself panicking about what this meant. Not now. Not when Naomi's lips were on her own, feeling just as soft as they'd looked before, not when the blonde's hands were tentatively rested on her waist, not when the blonde was sighing into their kiss like she'd been waiting her entire life for this.

So she let herself wrap her arms around Naomi's neck and melt into the blonde's body. She let herself smile into their kiss as their lips were pressed against each other, gently, sweetly.

_I could lose myself to this,_ Emily thought hazily.

"What the fuck, Emily?" she heard Katie seethe from the door.

_Shit. _Emily pushed the blonde away reflexively, only to wince after she realized she pushed Naomi away from her. _Shit._

Glaring at Naomi, then Emily, then back at Naomi, Katie decided to yell at Naomi first. "What the fuck are you doing to my sister, you gay cunt?"

The taller girl stood up and crossed her arms defensively. "I'm not gay," she scoffed, biting her lip. The blonde glanced at Emily and her blue eyes widen, looking so petrified, so scared to death, so…vulnerable. Naomi quickly looked away and ran off from them.

Katie thumped her sister's head with the back of her hand, still seething. "Why the fuck did you let that gay bitch kiss you, idiot."

Emily frowned, rubbing the sting from her head._ I kissed her first,_ Emily thought. _It wasn't Naomi's fault,_ she wanted to say. _I'm ga—_

Her eyes widened at the realization.

_I'm… gay. _She slowly tried to process this information. It… it made sense, she thought. Why she didn't want to kiss the other boys, even when they fancied her. Why she'd always stare at the other girls' a little too long (which she'd initially convinced herself was just her way of comparing herself to them). Why she always stared at Naomi, always wanting to get close to her, but not really understanding why that was.

But she still didn't know what this meant, what this would mean, what it would change. She understood that this meant that she liked… girls, but, everything would stay the same, right?

Her family, her sister, her friends would still treat her the same…right?

"Don't let that lez near you again," Katie scolded. "You might catch her disease. Wouldn't want that, now. Everyone hates gays."

Emily's heart sunk in her stomach. Of course this changes things, she thought. Their mother always told them that gays were sinners, that they weren't "right," that they should turn to God to seek forgiveness and become normal again. She didn't buy into that when they were younger, choosing to accept everyone the way they are and that people were just born differently, but apparently for Katie, it seemed to had stuck.

Emily turned to face her sister, who was still frowning, but underneath it all, looked identical to her, and she wondered how Katie, who'd stood up for her all those times before and protected her when she needed saving, could suddenly turn against her; how Katie, whom was supposed to love her through everything and despite anything, could possibly leave her; how Katie, whom was the only person she wholly trusted, could suddenly be her worst enemy.

She felt herself become nauseous at the thought, at the _possibility. _

Katie didn't seem to have noticed the state Emily was in, because she grabbed Emily's hand roughly and led them toward the bus stop, like it was just a regular night out. "We're leaving, Danny!"

Emily felt her sister's warm hand clasp her own, felt her sister pull her, felt herself be dragged the entire way home, the way Katie had always done every other night. It should bring her comfort, being reminded that her sister was with her, but for the first time, Emily found herself hating it, because she felt none of the security she used to feel when Katie's hands would be in her own, none of the comfort she used to be wrapped in when Katie would be present, none of the calm that used to surround her when Katie would walk next to her.

None of it at all.

Because although it wasn't the first time that Katie was there when Emily needed her, it was the first time that Emily felt like Katie was on the other side.

Against her.

(It was the first time when _always_ slowly began to dwindle to _sometimes_.)


	3. October 10, 2009

**A/N: **I don't want to be one of those assholes who does like yearly updates, but that might end up happening. If it does, sorry.

**A/N 2: **Part 1 of 2 installments for this portion. I haven't decided what the next chapter after this is going to be yet. We're either gonna go backward to their first meeting in college, or forward, to the first time Emily thought they could be something more than friends. Idk, you can choose which.

**A/N 3: **Please don't call Pandora's number unless you live in Bristol and want pizza from Pizza Hut. Or you could call them anyway and say hello. Why did I choose Pizza Hut's number? Because it's one of the best fucking hang over food. That's the only reason.

**A/N 4: **I don't know how many episodes we have left, but my previous estimate of 21 chapters is probably bullshit by now. I don't know how many there'll be.

* * *

She remembers when she and Naomi finally became friends, in the loosest sense.

It was on the day of Pandora's birthday. Emily had groggily woken up that morning to the sound of Katie's blow dryer in their room. She'd groaned in dismay and tried to cover her ears with her pillow, to which Katie just said in response, "Get up, bitch." She'd huffed irritably at her sister before reluctantly checking her phone for the time, only to see that someone had texted her that morning from a number she didn't recognize, telling her that there was a party happening.

**Inc. Txt. fr. +441179252755 (9:23 AM):** Emily! :D U and your sistah coming 2 my pajama party? It's brill fun!

Emily wiped the sleep from her eyes as she tried to remember who she'd given her number to, someone new that she hadn't added to her contacts yet. But the only person she could think of was Effy, and she'd saved her number on her phone when they exchanged numbers that night they'd talked three weeks ago, so it couldn't have been her.

Stumped, Emily asked her sister for help. She sat up and leaned against her bedpost.

"Katie," she called. "Katie."

Her sister turned off her blow dryer. "What?"

"Do you know whose number is this?" Emily held her phone out to Katie to see.

But her sister continued with her morning routine, moving to sit down at her make-up desk. "Does it look like I memorize people's numbers for a living? Just ask your stalker who they are. It's not that hard, Emily." She opened her foundation jar and started applying it to her face. "Christ, you act like you're attempting to crack the Da Vince Code," she muttered.

Katie was right. She was overthinking a simple situation when all she had to do was text back and ask. But there was a reason why she was so hesitant: she was hoping that it was Naomi who was this mysterious person, and she didn't want to scare her away by asking her who it was.

She looked down at the text again and frowned. It couldn't have been the blonde. She wouldn't text like this. This other person was trying too hard to shorten their words, and Naomi surely wouldn't do that if she were texting… would she?

_Only one way to find out. _She decided to text back, hoping that it was Naomi.

**Out. Txt to +441179252755 (11:05 AM):** Who's this?

The reply came immediately.

**Inc. Txt. fr. +441179252755 (11:06 AM):** It's Panda! :)

Emily sighed disappointedly. Of course it was just wishful thinking. They hadn't talked, _truly _talked, since that night at the party and, unlike with Effy, Naomi had left their conversation on the barest minimum of friendly terms. Now whenever they saw each other, they'd say a quick "hi" or "see you." They were just acquaintances, if you could even call it that.

"Well," Katie asked, breaking her thoughts. "Who was it?"

Emily crossed her legs underneath the blanket. "Pandora."

Her sister stared at her with a weird look on her face. "How the hell'd she get your number? You didn't give it to her, did you?"

"No, actually." _That is a bit odd,_ she thought, how Pandora had her number even though she hadn't given it to her.

Her phone vibrated again. She looked down to read the new text.

**Inc. Txt. fr. +441179252755 (11:08 AM):** U and K8T coming? My mum's gonna make browniieess!

She saved Pandora's number on her phone. "She's asking me if we're coming to her pajama party."

"The fuck is a pajama party?" Katie asked, putting on her black capri pants.

Emily shrugged. "I think it's a sleepover party."

Her sister was silent for a few moments, putting on her shirt in front of the mirror, and then she said, "Fuck it. Sure, tell her I'm coming." Katie gave herself a once-over. "Effy'll probably be there, and she's gonna bring a shitload of drugs, yeah?"

Emily tilted her head in bemusement. _Why's she going just because Effy's going to be there? _Because as much as Katie wanted them to be friends, well, it didn't seem like they were. She's seen how the taller girl has acted toward Katie and, although she's a bit distant toward everyone, Effy especially didn't seem very fond of her sister. Then again, Emily thought, that sort of thing never stopped Katie from trying to get what she wanted. She herself had learned that the hard way many times, and after many bruises.

"Probably, Kay," she told her sister as she texted Pandora.

**Out. Txt to Pandora (11:15 AM):** Katie says yes.

She pursed her lips, contemplating on what she was going to text the blonde next, because although she didn't have any qualms with going, she also wanted to know if Naomi was coming. This pajama party was innocent enough, and if Naomi was coming to the party, it'd be a good way of getting to know her, a start of becoming friends, just like what she wanted.

But outright asking Pandora about Naomi would seem a bit odd.

Emily frowned, staring at her phone. How was she going to phrase it in such a way so it'd sound like it was casual?

She started typing out words on her phone. She read it over, checking it so there could be no misconstrued implication, and sent it.

**Out. Txt to Pandora (11:17 AM):** I'll go if Naomi's coming too.

There, she thought. That sounded casual.

_Oh!_ One more thing.

**Out. Txt to Pandora (11:18 AM):** How'd you get my number?

"You're still texting that weird girl?"

"Her name's Pandora, and yeah." She looked up and saw that her sister was dress-up, complete with her smudge-y make-up and tight-fitting clothes. "You're going out this early?"

Her sister grabbed her bag off the table, replying offhandedly, "Meeting Danny." She checked herself in the mirror one more time and then headed toward the door. "Text me the address, yeah?"

"Kay, Katie," she said as her sister left their room.

Her phone buzzed again.

**Inc. Txt fr. Pandora (11:18 AM):** I asked Effy 4 it. Hope u don't mind :)

**Inc. Txt fr. Pandora (11:18 AM):** And she is now! :D

_Fuck. _Had she just made Pandora invite Naomi on behalf of her? Emily scolded herself. That was _not _supposed to come off that way.

…except. Except she wasn't _that _regretful at all that Pandora took it that way, because now it meant that Naomi was surely—probably going to go, which was what she'd wanted for them to be friends and—

_Shit. _She just remembered. Katie was coming too.

She bit her lip anxiously. _What have I done? _This was going to turn out badly as it did at Cook's party.

_Shit._

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Pandora's mum's going to be there, which means that Katie was going to be polite. Probably. Hopefully.

Her phone vibrated in her hand.

**Inc. Txt fr. Pandora (11:19 AM):** I'll ask Effy 4 her number 2 tell her! :)

_Effy had Naomi's number? How did she—_

Emily shook her head. _It doesn't matter,_ she told herself. It shouldn't matter, whether those two were friends or how she got the blonde's number. It shouldn't. She was trying hard enough as it is to be friends with Naomi, and anything like jealousy or anger or anything else that she _shouldn't _feel would completely ruin her hard-fought efforts that'd gotten her to where to she was. Fr—acquaintances. Almost friends.

The redhead got up to walk to the bathroom, quickly sending a response to Pandora.

**Out. Txt. to Pandora (11:21 AM):** Ok. Text me the address.

Her phone lit up again seconds later.

**Inc. Txt fr. Pandora (11:21 AM):** Will do Scooby Doo! Get ready 2 play Twister!

_Twister? _She smiled amusedly, placing her phone on the counter, and looked in the mirror in front of her.

She hoped that today wasn't going to end as disastrously as all the others did, when she, Katie, and Naomi were all together in the same place.

She hoped that today, for once, things were going to be different.

* * *

_What do people bring to pajama parties? _

That was the question that'd been buzzing in her head as she wandered around her kitchen for the third time.

She tapped on the counter rhythmically as she thought.

_Fags? _She shook her head. Her sister wouldn't like that. She didn't smoke cigarettes.

She walked over to her fridge and opened it.

_Food? _No. It was a house party. Pandora's mum probably stocked their house loads.

_Alcohol. _She closed the fridge door, walked to the pantry that hid all of her parents' alcohol stash, and opened it.

_Taquila. Vodka. Lager. Wine… _

She pursed her lips, trying to decide which one to bring. She ultimately took out vodka because of how it burned her throat going down. With Katie and Naomi in the same room, she was going to need to focus on the burn slithering down her throat to survive the night and escape _that _fight.

With a bottle of vodka in hand, she walked out to the door, locked it, and left to Pandora's house.

* * *

Emily tried to think positive during her walk there.

_Maybe this isn't going to be as bad as I think it'll be,_ she told herself. Her sister now knows that Naomi wasn't the one who kissed her first, so maybe she'll lighten up around the blonde. Maybe the excess hatred will finally be redirected to someone else, or hopefully, dissipate completely elsewhere. Maybe with all the girls together, they can just have a good time, with no worries, no expec—

_Fuck. _She forgot to tell Katie the address. Katie's going to be fuming.

She took out her phone from her pocket and hastily texted her sister.

**Out. Txt to Katie (2:16 PM):** Sorry, I forgot to text you the address.

Katie replied immediately.

_Shit. _Emily's heart began to thump rapidly. Katie never texted her _that _quickly unless her sister wanted her to do something for her or she was pissed at her.

She bit her lower lip, hoping that it was the former as she opened the message box.

**Inc. Txt fr. Katie (2:16 PM):** Alrdy here. Met up w/ her and Eff wen I was w/ Danny.

Emily scrunched her face in confusion. That text was neither the former nor the latter, s_o why did she…_

Her phone lit up again, indicating that she'd received a second message from Katie. She opened it.

**Inc. Txt fr. Katie (2:16 PM):** Pandora told me u made her invite Naomi. Y the fuck'd u do that?

There it was.

Emily held her phone in her hand as she continued walking, unsure whether or not she should respond. If she told her sister now, she reasoned, Katie might throw a fit at Pandora for being obtuse, and she might leave the place altogether. And while that did seem a bit appealing, because it'd avoid the probable fight between Naomi and Katie altogether (if Naomi did come), Pandora didn't deserve that—it was her party, after all— and she really did want her sister there. Just the nicer version of her, the, well, genuinely pleasant one that she knew still existed somewhere in her sister but lately had been buried underneath all of _something _that she couldn't quite figure out. Her twin senses have been off lately, and it wasn't because she hadn't tried to pry it out of her, but because her sister wouldn't let her.

("Emily, mind your own fucking business. Christ," Katie scolded at her whenever she asked.)

_Or, _Emily pondered, she could wait it off and sort it out when she sees her sister at the party, where her sister would probably yell at her, possibly scold Pandora, but most likely stay when Emily calmed her down enough.

She chose the latter option.

**Out. Txt. to Katie (2:20 PM):** Tell you when I get there.

Her buzzed again seconds after she sent it.

**Inc. Txt. fr. Katie (2:20 PM):** Better b a fuckin gold explanation.

She sighed, putting her phone back in her front pocket as she walked faster to Pandora's house, which was only a block away now. As she approached the front, she saw the backside of Naomi, standing in front of the door, holding a six-pack and a bottle of wine.

_She came! _Emily grinned. Her stomach fluttered, momentarily making her forget about her dilemma as she got closer to the blonde.

"Hi," Emily greeted cheerily, her smile still in place.

Naomi looked like she was muttering something to herself. After a moment of hesitation, she turned around and gave the redhead a small, brief, forced smile. She then looked to her left, as though contemplating whether to speak to Emily. A few silent seconds pass, and the blonde took a deep breath before turning back to the shorter girl, telling her, "I don't know why she invited me. I hardly know her."

Emily's smile dimmed, her cheeks tinged red. "I may have… accidently asked her."

"Emily," Naomi said blandly. "I thought we sorted this out."

The shorter girl furrowed her eyebrows. _Is she assuming I—_

She shook her head at the blonde. "No, I didn't mean like…it doesn't hurt to get to know each other," she rushed out. "We're in the same class. We're gonna hang out for the next two years and—"

"You going to tell people you're gay anytime soon?" Naomi asked bluntly.

Emily's eyes widened. "What?" She looked around her nervously, seeing if anyone was near who could've possibly overheard.

No one else was around to hear. More importantly, her sister was around to hear. She faced Naomi again and vehemently denied. "I'm not gay."

The blonde arched her eyebrow, looked as though she was unconvinced.

"I'm telling you, Em," Naomi said, shaking her head. "You haven't really thought this through, have you?"

Emily pursed her lips. No, she hadn't. She'd hoped that this day was going to be as simple as it sounded: all of them spending time together under the same roof. And it should be that simple, it could be, but with Naomi looking at her as though the blonde knew something she didn't, as though the blonde was scolding her for something she didn't know she was doing, Emily suddenly had a feeling that things were going to go tits up.

The shorter girl shook her head to Naomi in response to her question.

Naomi sighed, and then looked at her resolutely. "Let me just say this again." She pointed her index finger to herself, at her sternum. "Me, not muff muncher. Me, cock cruncher."

_Right. _Emily nodded mutely, resignedly.

Even though she knew that the blonde was straight, she still couldn't help but hope that… well, she wasn't. Maybe that's what Naomi meant, Emily thought, that this _thing _she was trying to do was going to blow up in her face, that she was being tempted the devil's fruit and was so close to taking a bite of it, because really, what she wanted wasn't a friendship with Naomi, but a relationship—but the blonde couldn't give her any of that, because she was _straight _and didn't like her like that; and by being around Naomi, it'd just added hopeless hope on her part.

So if friendship was all she was going to get from Naomi, would she still accept it?

They heard someone open the front door.

"Hi!" Pandora greeted with a wide mega-watt smile on her face, which fell once she spotted the alcohol they were holding. She walked over and took their bottles away, tossing them in the flower pot. Her mega-watt smile came back two-fold.

"Hey!" Emily protested. She'd spent a lot of time trying to decide what to bring, and Pandora just threw it out? That was her favorite brand of vodka, too.

Pandora ignored her. "Mum," she yelled out. "More friends! Naomi and Emily!"

Her mum came out with a thin, forced smile on her lips. "Well, girls, come in, come in," she greeted before walking back inside her house.

Pandora followed her in.

"I think that's our cue to go inside," the redhead said dumbly, still standing in the same spot.

Naomi took a deep breath and walked in first. She muttered, "This is how all horror movies start out," as she stepped through the foyer.

Emily tried to swallow her laugh, following suit behind the blonde.

"—shoes!" she heard Pandora yell out before rushing to crouch down at Naomi's feet, forcefully taking off her slippers and throwing them in a bin marked 'Shoes.'

Her eyes widened in shock and confusion. _What the hell's going on? _She looked over to Naomi for some explanation, but she looked back at her like she had no idea either.

Not wanting Pandora to do the same to her as she did to Naomi, Emily voluntarily took off her shoes and tossed them in the bin, while the others walked into the dining room.

"—Katie," she heard Pandora shout.

_Shit. _She hadn't explained to her sister yet about what had happened and Naomi was already standing where Pandora was.

This wasn't good.

She tried to walk quickly to the dining room to intercept Katie, but her efforts were futile. Her sister was already there, glaring at Naomi.

_Fuck._

She slowed her footsteps down, stopping completely to stand between Naomi and her sister.

"—It's French. Thomas taught me. He's such a…" Pandora trailed off. Her eyes went wide at her mum. "Oh, bugger."

Emily furrowed her eyebrows, _What did I miss?_

"Thomas?" Pandora's mum asked, her eyes narrowing at her daughter. "Who's Thomas?"

_Oh. _Emily bit her lower lip. Should she cover for Pandora, or should she wait for her to tell her mum the truth herself?

"He's my boyfriend, actually," Naomi said abruptly. She shrugged. "He does excellent French."

Pandora's mum started to stare at the blonde like she was the devil.

_Jesus Christ_. Emily couldn't fight the smile that was threatening to spread and the chuckles bubbling up, because this was a bit ridiculous, and she _knew _ridiculous. She'd seen Katie throw tantrums at the dinner table, and what was happening in front of her rivaled that, except with less cursing and slamming of doors.

She tried to purse her lips to keep schtum.

"Right…" her mum began to say, apparently not noticing what Emily was doing. "I do hope you all respect that we don't allow unruly boys at parties."

A chorus of 'yeses' rung from Naomi and her sister. Emily didn't say a word. She was still fighting to keep in her laughter inside as she covered her mouth with her hand.

"We'll all play Twister, yeah?" Pandora asked abruptly, running off to the staircase.

Emily turned to Naomi and her sister, confused. But apparently she wasn't the only one who had no idea what was going on, because they shared the same look on their face, too.

"I'm sorry," Pandora's mum apologized. "Sometimes she's gets a bit overexcited when—"

Something rang. A bell?

"That must be the brownies," Pandora's mum said. She smiled again, but it still seemed forced. "You girls head up," she told them as she walked to the kitchen.

"They're going to kill us off," Naomi whispered conspiratorially to Emily, low enough so that Katie couldn't hear.

The shorter girl couldn't hold it in anymore. All the laughter that she'd been inside throughout the entire conversation finally came out.

"Funny," Emily grinned.

"Emily."

Shit.

Katie.

Emily straightened and turned around to look at her sister, who was now glaring again at Naomi.

"Jesus, Katie. Don't get your knickers in a twist," Naomi said behind her she headed up the stairs.

But Katie didn't respond to that, didn't say anything until the blonde was out of earshot.

"Explain," her sister demanded, her arms crossed.

Emily took a deep breath and exhaled. _Now or never. _

"I told Pandora that I was only gonna go if everyone else was going, too." That wasn't a complete lie, if Katie had interpreted the word 'everyone else' as 'Naomi.'

The younger twin continued, "I didn't know that she was going to take it like that." Now that was completely true. Pandora misinterpreted what she texted.

"Christ, Emily." Katie shook her head at her sister, exasperated. "How are you so stupid?"

"Please, Katie." Emily grabbed her sister's arm and shook it lightly. "Just for today, be nice, for me."

"But Naomi's gay and—"

Emily shook her head. "Naomi's not gay." She released her hold on her sister's arm. "And she's not going to try to kiss me."

Emily gave her sister a pleading smile. "Let's just have fun today."

Katie gave her a wary look, and then made a noncommittal noise. "I'll try," she said offhandedly, heading upstairs. "No promises, though."

She smiled to herself as she followed her sister up. Maybe this day won't be as bad as she was dreading it might turn out. Now that Katie was going to be on semi-polite terms with Naomi and Naomi being a lot more friendly toward her and Ef—

Wait. Where was Effy?

"Where's Effy?" Emily asked her sister.

"She's in the kitchen," Katie said, not turning around. "She was waiting for the brownies. Probably with Pandora's mum by now."

_Oh. _Emily pursed her lips. She didn't know Effy could bake.

They entered a pink-covered room labeled 'Pandora' and found Naomi sitting on the bed, blankly staring at the Twister mat on the floor. Emily looked at her sister, confused, but Katie just shrugged and sat on the opposite end of the bed. Emily followed suit and sat between her sister and the blonde. She turned to look at Naomi, tried to figure out what was going on in her head, why she was looking at the mat like that.

And then the blonde said, with equal amounts of incredulity and disgust laced in her voice, "Twister." She paused. "Are you shitting me?"

Apparently Naomi finally processed that Pandora wasn't kidding around when she told them about Twister.

"Don't worry," her sister told the blonde. "I spiked the chocolate brownies with MDMA."

Her face fell._ What? _

She turned to face Katie. "You what?"

Her sister arched her eyebrow, challenging her. "Appreciate it, okay?"

Emily frowned, but didn't say anything back. Although she'd been voicing herself more to Katie, it still didn't mean that she was comfortable doing so. Her sister could be intimidating—always intimidating when something didn't go her way—and Emily learned to choose her battles wisely.

Still, she couldn't help but feel a bit angry on behalf of Pandora. It was her party, and judging from her reaction toward she and Naomi earlier, she didn't want drugs or alcohol inside the house. Yet her sister ignored what Pandora wanted and mixed MDMA into the brownies and Pandora probably didn't even know tha—

She heard chuckling on her left.

Naomi.

Emily turned to face the blonde and asked her pointedly, "You think it's funny?"

The blonde shrugged. "It is kind of."

"Yeah," her sister said on her right. "Get into the spirit, Ems. It was for shits and giggles."

Emily shook her head at the both of them in disbelief. She couldn't believe they were actually OK with this.

Naomi's laughter died down. "So Katie." The blonde was looking at her sister now. "You're gonna be nice to me now that we're Twister pals?" She paused, trying to keep a straight face, but Emily could see that her smile was breaking through. "Promise not to grab your minge and everything."

Emily's face contorted. What was Naomi getting at?

Her sister laughed. "OK. Ha. Ha." Emily turned to look at Katie. "Hands off the muff and we're sorted."

Emily's face fell. _Oh._

"Gotcha." She hesitantly turned back to Naomi, who now had a wide smile on her face as she played along. "No buffing the beaver."

Emily's frown deepened, felt herself become angry. She wanted them to get along, but not in _this _way. She didn't want them to bond over this, making fun of being gay, of being _her. God, _she already had to deal with being afraid of Katie, but now she had to deal with the possibility of Naomi as well?

"No groping my growler," she heard Katie chuckle out.

She couldn't take it anymore.

"You done?" Emily asked her sister sharply.

Katie stopped laughing and her face grew hard, a mixture of surprise and challenge on her face.

"Hey guys!" Pandora barged in the room, carrying pink clothes in her hands. "What'd'ya think?" She put all of them down on the desk except one, and held it up. "Mum made them especially!"

It was a pink sweater that was much too large for any of them to wear, with the words "Sexy Poo" poorly sewn on, each letter a different color.

_Christ. _That's… interesting.

"Jesus," Naomi said on her left, sounding stunned. "I'm not wearing that."

"Why not?" Pandora frowned in discontent. "It's a pajama party!"

They all fell silent.

Emily bit her lower lip. She didn't want Pandora to be upset, but, _God, _those looked terrible.

"Oh, what the fuck," her sister said as she stood up. "Give it here."

The blonde gave Katie a wide grin. "You can be Sexy Poo!"

Emily glanced at Naomi to see what she was going to do. The blonde had her lips pursed, her eyes watching Pandora's and Katie's exchange, as though she was thinking about whether she should do the same. And then she stood up.

"Fuck it," Naomi said, walking toward Pandora. "Give me one, Panda."

The other blonde threw another "Sexy Poo" sweater at her, smiling like it was permanently plastered on.

If Naomi and Katie had no qualms about it, why should she?

Emily stood up. "Okay, Panda," she smiled. "Hand me one?"

Pandora gave her "Brainy Poo." Emily scrunched her nose in distaste, but didn't say anything.

"There are matching bottoms too!" The blonde held out over-sized pink shorts with the word "Bum" sewn on them.

"Fuck's sake," her sister muttered. "Let's just get this over with before I start regretting it." She threw the sweater on the floor and began stripping off her shirt.

Naomi followed suit, then Pandora, but Emily hesitated to do the same. It wasn't that she had body issues, but she'd never been naked in front of anyone besides her sister.

She looked over to them. Katie was already taking off her pants and picking up her sweater to put on, Panda already had her sweater on and was putting on the bottoms, and Naomi was—

_Christ. _All she could see was silky smooth skin and a toned abs and a blue bra and—

She looked away, a blush creeping on her cheeks. She scolded herself. She had to stop being a perv. Naomi was just a friend. That's it. Just a friend.

She began stripping, trying to keep her eyes to herself and her mind away from what she just saw. Naomi was straight and was finally accepting her extending of friendship and she and her sister were finally getting along. She wasn't going to ruin that by doing something she'd surely regret.

She was nearly done taking off her leggings when the door opened roughly.

_Shit. _Emily immediately covered her chest with the pink sweater.

"What the fuck?"

Emily relaxed, resumed putting on her sweater. It was just Effy.

"Whatever," Effy shrugged as she walked over to the window. She started stripping herself of her grey shirt while Emily was almost done putting on her shorts.

"Girls!" Pandora's mum entered the room, holding a plate of brownies on one hand and a half-eaten one in her other.

"Look, mum," Pandora said excitedly. "We're pretty in pink!"

"Oh, that's wonderful girls," her mum cheered with a hazy smile.

_She seemed a bit… off,_ Emily thought. More so than she was before.

The blonde's mum staggered toward them. "I've really excelled myself with these brownies. This is my third already." She extended the plate of brownies for them to eat.

Without any hesitation, Katie, Naomi, Pandora, and Effy took one and began eating them.

Emily thought about it for a bit, before shrugging and grabbing one as well, taking a bite out of it. _Might as well,_ she told herself. She couldn't undo what her sister did to the brownies. Might as well enjoy them.

"Listen," Pandora's mum said abruptly. "Do you hear the music?" She began swaying to an imaginary beat. "Oh, yeah."

Emily looked to the others, confused with what Pandora's mum was referring to, because there _was _no music playing, but they looked like they didn't know how to process this either, well, except for Effy. She started to move to the same, unheard rhythm too.

"Yeah, yeah. I hear it," the brunette nodded.

_Why were they… _She looked down at what she was holding. _Must be the brownies._

"I'm telling you, that's fucking good shit," her sister said as she took another brownie from the plate.

Emily pursed her lips as she looked at her half-eaten brownie. On one hand, she should stay sober, because that's what Pandora wanted for her party…but why? Pandora's already eaten her second brownie, so she was going to feel the effects of it soon enough, and Katie and Naomi were starting to dance to the same imaginary beat that Effy and Pandora's mum were dancing to and—

Oh, what the hell, she thought. She took another bite from the brownie and started to feel herself loosen up, moving to the same song that could only be heard in her head.

Emily smiled blissfully. This was fun. This was what she wanted to happen when she agreed to go, for all of them to be together and having a good tim—

She glanced at Naomi and saw her dancing closely with her sister, but looking at _her. _

Emily felt _something _ignite in her chest and quickly turned away. She scolded herself. She shouldn't be feeling this…_thing, _this jealousy. She and Naomi were just friends. That's all that there could be, that there ever will be.

But… still. She couldn't help but think that maybe…maybe there could be something more. She knew it was fruitless hoping, but the way Naomi was looking at her while she was dancing with her sister, how she looked as though it wasn't Katie who she wanted to dance with, but _her. _

"Hey," she heard Effy say behind her, feeling the brunette's hands on her shoulders.

Emily turned around and looked up at Effy, gave her a small smile. The brunette smiled back, a hazy one, which was probably from the MDMA taking effect; but it also seemed vacant—her smile—which couldn't have been from the drug. And while EFfy's eyes were glazed, they were also hallow, murky.

That couldn't have been from the drug either.

Effy looked up and behind Emily. "Panda," she yelled. She pushed the redhead lightly to the side before rushing out of the room.

_What the hell just happened? _Emily turned around and found that Pandora wasn't there anymore, only Katie, Naomi, and Pandora's mum. And those numbers quickly dwindled down to just two, because her sister called after the brunette and ran out too.

Emily looked to Naomi, who just shrugged at her like she didn't know either.

She thought about going out there, thought about helping resolve whatever issues were between Effy and Pandora at the present moment, thought about telling Katie to not make matters worse by attempting to help—which she knew her sister was probably doing: making matters worse, that is; but she ultimately decided not to follow through with it, any of it, because she believed that what was going on between Panda and Effy, there was nothing she could do: it was between them and for them to work it out themselves. And she knew that if she tried to tell Katie to do anything after her sister had already set her mind to it, she was going to get the brunt of it.

And besides, there was a middle-aged woman in the same room as her who was high off her tits and going mental to music that wasn't playing.

"Do you see that?" Pandora's mum asked them, her face in awe as she looked down on the floor. She crouched down, seeming to be oblivious to the fact that there were only two of them left in the room, and neither were her daughter.

"There's another world on this floor," she marveled as she lied down, her left ear pressed against the hard wood, and closed her eyes.

Her breathing evened out.

"Um…" Emily looked at Naomi, then back to Pandora's mum. "Did she just—did she just fall asleep?"

Naomi crouched down and poked her face. "I think so." She stood up and grabbed the woman's arms. "Come on, let's put her to bed."

Emily followed the blonde's lead and grabbed her legs. They carried her out to the room next door that said "Mum's," and rolled her onto the bed.

The redhead paused, looking down at the unconscious mum.

"Is she breathing?" Emily asked, turning to Naomi for an answer, but she, too, had an unsure expression on her face.

She looked back down Pandora's mum and started to feel panicked, because what if Pandora's died from the MDMA and now Pandora was going to have to live alone in her own house without Thomas and be some odd cat lady and all because her sister put in that fucking dru—

Pandora's mum burped.

"Yup," Naomi nodded.

"Safe," Emily sighed out, relieved.

They quietly walked out of the room, closing the door behind them.

"Ems," Katie called, walking quickly up to her. "Effy's locked herself in the bathroom."

_What? _She scrunched her face. Why was Effy isolating herself? Shouldn't she be with Pandora?

"Are you retarded?" Katie asked her as she pulled her arm and dragged her in front of the bathroom, where Effy apparently was in. "Go in there and help her. You're good with feelings."

"But Katie—"

"Help her," her sister told her firmly.

Emily relented. _Guess I have to now,_ she thought.

Where's Panda?" Naomi asked behind them.

"In that bathroom," Katie told her, pointing to the room across. "She wouldn't get out either." Her sister raised her arms up in frustration. "God," she muttered in an exasperated tone. "They're bringing down the party." She walked down the stairs, hurriedly, yelling "Fix them, you cows."

Naomi looked at Emily with a raised eyebrow. "Your sister's a bit mental."

"You're telling me, I have to live with her."

The blonde pursed her lips, as though she was trying to hide her smile. "Well," she started, walking to Pandora's bathroom. "I'll see if I can get Panda out."

The redhead nodded. "Okay."

She turned back around to face the door behind her, the room that Effy was in, and knocked.

"Effy," Emily called.

A muddled "Fuck off," was all she got in reply.

She knocked again.

"Effy, it's me." She twisted the doorknob.

It was open.

"I'm coming in," the redhead warned, before tentatively opening the door and peaking inside, finding Effy sitting in the bathtub with her hands folded on her lap, staring out the window.

She looked like she'd been crying.

"Effy," she said softly as she walked inside, closing the door behind her "Are you ok?"

Silence.

Emily took her place on the cold floor next to Effy, the bathtub's ceramic ledge the only thing separating them. She didn't say anything, didn't try to prod anything out of the brunette. She'd learned from their conversation three weeks ago that, with Effy, she would only speak when she was ready, and only when she wanted to, if it was important enough, if she trusted you enough.

So she folded her arm on the ledge of the bathtub, rested her head against it and closed her eyes. She was going to wait it out, hoping that she was one of the few that the brunette trusted her with what's been bothering her, eating at her, so much so that it'd caused her to be unable to shelf her emotions away and turn it off.

It was only when she felt herself slowly drift off to sleep, when she'd lost track of how much time had passed, when she'd forgotten that she was even in a bathroom, that she finally heard a faint and detached "No," come from her left.

Emily blearily opened her eyes, turned her head, her chin still resting on her arm, and looked at Effy. She could only see the brunette's profile, since she was still staring out the window, but she could see enough of her face to tell that the MDMA was wearing off. Effy's lazy smile was gone, and although her eyes were still shiny, they were only because of the unshed tears.

She looked so… _empty. _

"My parents are divorcing," Effy whispered, without an ounce of emotion laced into it. It sounded so clinical. Like a meaningless fact, something that shouldn't even be of concern to her, or affect her.

But from what Emily could tell, it obviously was.

"I'm so sorry, Effy." She didn't know what she was apologizing for, but she was sorry nonetheless. She couldn't even begin imagine how she'd feel if her own parents were to divorce.

Emily tentatively placed her other hand on Effy's shoulder, trying to comfort her. "How… how're you dealing?"

The brunette scoffed, shook her head. "Just fucking fine." She laid her head back against the wall behind her, closed her eyes. "Peachy."

Emily didn't say anything. Maybe she was getting better at reading Effy, or maybe she honestly didn't know what to say to that, but she had a feeling that there was more to this, that there was something the brunette wasn't saying. Not explicitly, anyway.

Again, she sat quietly, and waited.

"Love always fucks you over, doesn't it?" Effy asked, after a long while. She bit her lower lip, her tears that were brimming her eyes were slowly starting to fall down her cheeks. She tried to wipe them away with her thumb.

_Oh, Effy. _Emily pursed her lips, contemplating whether or not to climb into the tub and hug her or hold her or just do _something _to help her take away from what she was feeling, but she instead opted to hold Effy's hand.

Effy gripped her hand tightly and cried harder. "God, I just— " she started, covered her face with her other hand, the one Emily wasn't holding, as she tried to compose herself.

"When do I get to feel OK, Em?" The brunette asked, barely audible. "Just once, I want to feel OK."

"Eff." Emily pulled Effy's hand up to the bathroom ledge and held it with both hands. "I don't… do you _just_ want to feel OK?"

Effy laughed dryly, shaking her head at her as though what Emily was saying was all wrong.

Still, the redhead continued, believing that she was onto something. "It's just…" She paused, trying to figure out a way to phrase it correctly.

"I've seen the way you look at him," Emily finally got out.

Effy didn't respond to that, her hand still covering her face as her breathing echoed in the bathroom. After a few moments, she looked up at the window. Her eyes, empty of tears, were now just _empty, _her face just the same.

"Cook means nothing," the brunette said evenly. "Doesn't give a fuck, and neither do I."

No. The shorter girl shook her head. That wasn't what she meant.

"I'm not talking about Cook. I mean Freddie." Effy didn't look away from the window.

"I think… I think you're scared of feeling."

Effy scoffed, but without bite. "That's rich coming from you."

Emily frowned at that implication. "It's different for me."

The brunette looked at her. "No, it's not." She smiled sadly at her. "We're all scared of getting hurt. You, me. Even her."

The taller girl turned back to the window, shrugged tiredly. "But where we are now, it's safe."

Emily looked down at her hands, still holding the brunette's.

They weren't the same… were they? She was scared of getting hurt, yes, but only because she knew that if she told Katie, she'd never accept her for who she was. And she was… okay with that. She accepted it. She had to.

But with Effy, from what she'd seen, the brunette hadn't allowed Freddie to get to know her, hadn't given him a chance for him to prove that he would accept her for whoever she was, in spite of, or maybe _because _of, the faults that lay behind her exterior, the things that she'd been hiding that she thought made her unlovable. Effy had accepted something that she didn't even know was fact yet.

So they weren't alike, right?

And with she—

Wait. Who was the third person?

Emily looked up and tilted her head at the brunette questioningly.

Effy seemed to have realized that the shorter girl finally caught up to what she'd said. She told Emily simply, "Naomi likes you, you know."

She shrugged casually, still not looking at the redhead. "Probably doesn't even realize it."

Emily's eyes widened in shock._ What? _

"What?"

"The way she looks at you when you're not looking," Effy said matter-of-factly. "Sometimes it's like she doesn't know what to do with you."

_Naomi… Naomi likes me?_ But that didn't make any sense, she thought. Naomi wasn't even gay. The blonde had told her earlier that she liked cocks, had no qualms with making gay jokes with Katie and—

But maybe she was lying? Or maybe it was like what Effy said, that Naomi didn't know it yet.

Emily frowned. Why should she trust Effy about this? The brunette could be wrong, and if she acted on it, the friendship that she'd worked so hard to establish with Naomi could crumble beyond repair. And maybe Effy was just screwing with her, to have fun and her expense.

…But then again. The brunette just told her about her parents, and she hadn't told Katie her secret, which meant that Effy did trust her, so she couldn't be screwing with her. And Effy's intuition has never been wrong before. The brunette knew almost without trying that she was gay, from the glances that she didn't even know she was throwing at Naomi.

She felt Effy let go of her hands. "Go."

She looked at the brunette, who was now looking back at her.

"I'll be fine," Effy said neutrally.

Emily stared at her skeptically, still unsure whether or not she should leave the brunette in this state, but Effy looked so exhausted with her red-rimmed eyes and still damp cheeks that she thought it was best to leave her alone, to give the brunette space for her to pull herself back together, like she knew Effy was capable of doing, and probably have done many times before.

She gave the brunette a small smile before getting up and walking outside, closing the door behind her.

"—where are you going?!" Her sister hollered from downstairs.

Emily froze. _Is she talking to me?_

"Getting wine!" Naomi shouted back.

Nope. Not her.

She walked downstairs to the dining room. She still couldn't believe that Katie and Naomi were actually being civil with one another. Just three weeks ago, her sister was yelling at the blonde at the top of her lungs to _leave_, and now she was shouting to her at the top of her lungs asking where she was going, as though she wanted Naomi to _stay._ It surprised her, how a few simple words suddenly opened the gates for their budding friendship. It was a miracle, really, and although she was curious whether or not there was any truth in Effy's words, she wasn't going to ruin that nor her own tentative friendship with the blonde. Being friends was safe. No one was going to get hurt. No relationships were going to be destroyed.

Safe.

"—keep your vaginer on!"

She walked toward the counter and spotted Naomi stumbling through the foyer, carrying a wine bottle and a six-pack.

The blonde smiled lazily at her. "So what'll it be Ems," she slurred, looking down at the bottle of wine. "Pinot Grigio or…"

Naomi paused, as though she was lost in her thought for a moment, and then shook her head. "Or Cidra?"

Emily didn't answer. She found herself entranced, staring at her lips, found herself wondering what they'd taste like, whether they still felt the same as they did when they first kissed, found herself wanting to lean in closer and kiss her just to find out.

"Anything," she said, dazed. She licked her lips. "Just give me a fucking…"

She flickered up to Naomi's icy blue eyes, eyes that were staring down at _her _lips, with eyebrows furrowed as though she too was contemplating about _something, _and it made her think that maybe, maybe Naomi wanted to kiss her too. Maybe she did like her back, maybe Effy was right.

"Just give me…"

_Katie won't know about this._

She leaned in and pressed her lips on Naomi's chastely, and, and, _ah! _But Naomi jerked back before it lasted more than a second, and Emily pulled back.

The blonde stared at her blankly.

"Oh."

Was that, was that a good 'oh' or a bad 'oh'? Did she just screw everything up and things were gonna go tits up or—

"It's only the drugs, right?"

_No, it's not, _Emily thought, but she found herself nodding anyway. At this point, she'll take whatever she can get.

Naomi pursed her lips, looking like she was contemplating about… _something, _and then her eyes flickered down to Emily's lips and she started leaning in hesitantly and—

_Oh. _Emily tentatively lean in to meet the blonde halfway until their lips met and—

_Christ, _her lips felt so soft and Naomi was kissing her back and her lips tasted like chocolate and alcohol that must've been from the brownies and the wine and _God, _she didn't want to stop kissing Naomi.

But she had to pull back, to see Naomi's face and figure out whether the blonde liked it or not, whether or not the blonde liked _her._

Naomi fluttered her eyes open, the expression on her face a mixture of shock and dazed. Emily didn't know what that meant, _if _that meant anything, whether that even her answered her questions.

So she decided to ask the blonde straightforwardly, her heart still thumping quickly from their kiss.

"You like that?" she asked, boldly, curiously. She didn't know where this overwhelming sense of courage came from, to be so blunt about it, but she didn't question it.

Naomi pursed her lips, as though she was debating how to answer that. Or maybe she didn't know how to answer that?

The taller girl inhaled deeply, and opened her eyes with a completely different expression on her face, almost as if she was smug. "You're gay," she smirked, and walked away.

Maybe it was because she still felt the adrenaline from their kiss, maybe it was because Naomi didn't deny that she liked it which meant she must've felt _something, _maybe because she'd forgotten that Katie was still in the house and could've heard them, could've seen them, but for the first time, she didn't deny who she was.

"Yes." She turned around and followed Naomi in the kitchen. "I am."

The blonde took out a wine opener from a drawer, seemingly ignoring what Emily said. "So how was Effy?" She asked, changing the subject.

The redhead leaned her body back against the counter her palms on the edge. "She was Effy. Something's weighing on her, but you know how she is."

Emily didn't say anything else about it; she felt like it was Effy's story to tell, not hers. Besides, the brunette trusted her enough to tell her things she wouldn't normally tell anyone else, and Emily was going to honor that.

Naomi twisted the metal into the cork. "Is she still in the loo?"

The shorter girl nodded. "We'll just leave her be, yeah?" Emily walked over next to the blonde. "How was Pandora?"

Naomi pulled out the cork roughly. "She kept rambling about Thomas, how she misses him and all that." She took a swig of the wine and made a face, handed it over to Emily. "She told me to go away a couple times, and then I finally did. Can't help someone who doesn't want to be help, right?"

"Oh." The redhead grabbed the bottle from Naomi and took a big gulp. "Where's Katie?"

The blonde shrugged. "Said she was going to grab her iPod upstairs to play some music, 'cept, you know, with a lot more 'fucks' and 'shits' as she was saying it."

Emily cracked a smile. She liked this version of Naomi, the one who was funny at being sarcastic, who wasn't taking herself seriously, who treated her like they were equals. Someone worth being with.

The shorter girl placed the wine down on the counter and grabbed Naomi's hand, leading her to the backyard. "Come on."

"Where're we going?" Naomi asked, but didn't stop Emily from pulling her.

"Pandora texted me earlier that her mum rented a bouncy house."

"A bouncy house?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah."

Emily reluctantly let go of Naomi's hand when they reached outside. She started climbing inside the bouncy house, but stopped when she realized that Naomi wasn't behind her. She turned around and found Naomi standing there, looking at her like she couldn't believe Emily was actually doing this.

"Come on."

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Alright," she said petulantly, joining her inside.

Emily grinned and began jumping gleefully. "I haven't done this since I was little," she breathed out.

The blonde laughed, jumping along with her. "Ems, you are little."

"Hey!" She pushed Naomi playfully.

Naomi laughed harder at Emily taking offense to it. "What? You're tiny!"

"Am not!"

"You are!"

She pushed again, with more force this time, but lost her balance and fell, pulling a smiling Naomi down with her.

Huffing, she straddled the blonde, planting her palms firmly down near Naomi's face. She leaned down and said assertively, "Am. Not."

Naomi's laughter quickly died off. She swallowed audibly, and nodded.

Emily was about to roll off of her, she really was, but then she started to register the position they were in, how her legs were on both sides of Naomi's hips, how she was on top of her, how she was locking her in place with her hands on either side and _Christ she was straddling Naomi_ and Naomi was staring at her lips again and their faces were so close that she could feel the warmth of her breathe and if she just leaned in a little bit closer—

She leaned down and kissed her, more roughly this time. The blonde didn't seem to mind; she was kissing Emily back, matching her pace. She tentatively placed her hands on the shorter girl's back, her breaths becoming shallower, as she arched her back to kiss Emily at a better angle. Emily couldn't help but let out a soft moan.

Naomi immediately jerked back.

_What did I do?_

Emily searched in Naomi's blue eyes for what she did wrong. They looked like they were a shade darker, looked so open and vulnerable and helpless and confused, just like the first night they kissed a year ago. But there was something else there…

Fear?

"I'm not…" Naomi whispered, and then shook her head. "I'm not gay."

She'd heard those words before, from her own mouth. She wondered if that was what she sounded like, if her voice wavered like that, if it was laced with panic and doubt, if it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than to the person she was talking to; if she looked that wide-eyed and pale when she said it aloud. She wondered if the reason Naomi was telling her this was for the similar reasons she'd told others that too.

But she wasn't going to push.

Emily nodded. "Okay."

She felt Naomi's muscles relax as she rolled off of her.

"—Hey, Katie! Katie!"

Emily sat up straight. _That sounded like…_

She looked toward the walkway and saw a handful of cars parking out front.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath.

Naomi sat up. "What?"

"My sister must've invited her boyfriend and his friends." Her face scrunched in disgust at the thought of Danny. "Typical Katie."

Emily stood up, holding out her hand for Naomi to take. "Come on, let's go."

Naomi didn't take it. She pushed herself up. "Why?"

The shorter girl turned away and ducked out of the bouncy house, trying to hide the hurt that was present her face. "They're Cooks, Naomi," she said pointedly.

She heard Naomi scuffle behind her. "Christ. One's enough."

Emily nodded, but didn't turn around. "Let's go upstairs."

They walked quickly into the house, passing through the kitchen and dining room. They almost reached the stairs without making contact with Danny or his friends, when Katie, out of nowhere, pulled Naomi's arm harshly.

"What the fuck, lezzah!?" Katie's eyes were wide, furious.

Emily frowned._ What the fuck, Katie?_

Naomi arched her eyebrow, but without malice. It looked like the blonde was just as startled with her sister's behavior as her. "Katie, I thought we were over those pet names."

"You twat, why the fuck did you kiss my sister again?!"

_Shit. _Emily blanched.

Her sister saw them.

Naomi's face steeled as she crossed her arms defiantly. "_She _kissed _me._"

Katie scoffed. "Oh that's fucking rich, bitch, you fucking—"

"Come party with Sammo and the lads, babe," Danny interrupted, pulling her toward the living room. He smiled ignorantly at her and Naomi as he led her away, but not before her sister sent an icy-cold glare in their direction.

_If looks could kill…_

When her sister rounded the corner, Emily sighed, relieved. She'd never been so grateful for Danny and his ridiculous nicknames ever in her life.

But still, despite the fact that Danny had unknowingly helped her avert a situation, she still felt anxious, because how was she supposed to explain this one now? She could blame it on the MDMA like she did before, or that she was too drunk to have noticed who she was kissing, but would Katie buy it, again?

_Maybe, _she thought. Hopefully. Katie had to accept her explanation, because if she didn't—

Emily shook her head, clearing her thoughts. She couldn't think about that.

She filed her worry away for another time and began walking up the stairs. She paused when she didn't hear Naomi's footsteps, and turned around.

Naomi was staring at her with her lips pursed.

"Come on."

Naomi hesitated for a moment, then inhaled deeply and started following her up.

When Emily reached the second floor, she stopped, contemplating about which room to enter. Pandora's mum was probably still asleep in the 'Mum's' room, and from the sound of the crying in Pandora's loo, Pandora probably didn't want them to be in there either. That left Pandora's room and Pandora's mum's bathroom, which Effy was probably still inside.

_Maybe I should check on her,_ Emily thought. Maybe getting her out of there and having her hang out with them would do her some good.

She walked up to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Effy?"

No response.

"Effy, I'm coming inside." She twisted the handle—it was unlocked—and peaked in.

Effy wasn't there.

She furrowed her eyebrows, confused. _Where is she?_

"Is Effy in there?" Naomi asked.

"No," Emily frowned. She walked over to Pandora's room to check if the brunette was in there.

She wasn't.

_Where is she? _Emily sat on the bed. Effy wasn't upstairs, and she wasn't downstairs either, from what she saw; and Effy wouldn't have left. Despite what Effy was feeling at the moment, she wouldn't do that to Pandora, would she?

Wanting to ease her worry, Emily sent the brunette a text.

**Out. Txt to Effy (6:15 PM):** You're not in the bathroom, and I didn't see you downstairs. We're in Pandora's room. Are you OK? Where are you?

"She probably left," Naomi shrugged as she walked inside the room.

Her phone lit up.

**Inc. Txt fr. Effy (6:17 PM):** Next door. Be back later.

_Why's she next door? _Emily wondered, but she didn't ask. She knew that Effy probably wouldn't have told her anyway.

"She's next door, apparently," she said as she typed out another text.

Out. Txt to Effy (6:18 PM): Kay. Be safe, Eff.

The response was immediate.

Inc. Txt fr. Effy (6:19 PM): I am.

_That's an odd reply._

"Why's she next door?"

Emily shrugged. "Don't know. Didn't ask."

Naomi pursed her lips, looked as though she was going to say something else, but she didn't. Instead she walked over to Pandora's desk and opened all the drawers.

Emily tilted her head. "What are you doing?"

She didn't answer, still skimming through the contents of each of them until she got to the one on the bottom.

Naomi's face broke out in a grin.

"So, Ems…" the blonde drew out. "Now that downstair's off-limits with the overwhelming number of pricks and dicks…" She took out an arm-full of board games from the drawer. "Your choice. What'll it be?"

* * *

It turned out that Monopoly, for some reason, really, really hated Naomi. Every couple of turns, she'd role the dye and land on a space that inevitably made her pick up a Community Chest card, only to send her in jail.

("Fuck's sake, who does this board think I am? Cook?!")

Still, Naomi was a good sport, despite the fact that twenty minutes in, she was three thousand dollars in Monopoly debt while Emily was buying up all the property. While the redhead found the entire situation humorous, she eventually felt merciful and called it a draw, since the blonde refused to lose and admit defeat.

("No one actually 'wins' at Monopoly, Naoms. You're actually just competing against yourself."

"Oh, piss off, Ems. I'll catch up, just wait, I'll—fucking shit I got the jail card again.")

They then moved on to Scrabble, which, funnily enough, reversed their roles. Emily was shit at it, really; and it didn't help that Naomi played ridiculous words that shouldn't have been even _real, _much less wrack up that many points.

("Naomi, Quixotry is not a word!"

"It is! Look it up!"

To her chagrin, it really was a word.)

They gave up on that game after the fifth round of Emily losing _again _and it became plainly and painfully obvious that she wasn't going to beat Naomi at it. Plus, Emily couldn't stand the blonde's smug grin anymore every time she played a it-shouldn't-even-be-a-word word, more so since Emily couldn't wipe it off her face.

("No one actually 'wins' at Scrabble, right, Ems? You said so yourself that you're actually just competing against—"

"Shut up.")

"What else is there?" Naomi asked, putting the letters back in the Scrabble box.

"Um…" She rifled through the games. "There's Uno, Connect Four, and—" Emily gasped.

Naomi looked up at her. "What?"

The shorter girl gave her a mischievous smirk. "Your favorite." She held out the box for the blonde to see. "Twister."

Naomi rolled her eyes at her.

"Oh, come on." Emily opened the box and began setting up the mat. "Don't be a twat."

Naomi crossed her arms and huffed. "Fine."

"Alright, I'll go first." The redhead spun the arrow. "Left hand, red." She moved her body accordingly.

Emily looked at Naomi expectantly, to which she got a reluctant spin of the arrow, and a grumble of "This fucking game isn't even meant for two people" as she placed her right foot on a red spot.

"You're the life of the party, huh, Naoms." She spun it again. Right foot, green.

"Tell me again why we're playing this?" The blonde asked rhetorically, spinning the arrow and moving her left hand on blue.

"The Cooks are downstairs, Katie'll give me an earful…" Right hand, red. "And we forgot to bring that bottle of wine upstairs."

"Right," Naomi said, biting her lower lip.

"Do you…" the blonde started, spinning the arrow. "Do you remember that night?" Left foot, green.

"There are a lot of nights, Naoms." Left foot, blue. "Care to specify?"

"Oh, piss off," Naomi retorts, but without bite. "I mean that night we… kissed." Right hand, red. "The things you want, are they still the same?"

Emily's eyes widened. That question took her by surprise.

"Um, yeah, still want to go to the States and all that." She reached for the arrow, but paused. "That's a bit unfair, don't you think?"

"What's unfair?"

Emily spun it. Right foot, blue. "That night, you never told me what _you_ wanted."

Naomi pursed her lips, and then she said, "It's simple, really. I just want—Christ, Ems, move your ass." Right foot, green. "I'd want to travel. Everywhere. Anywhere." She shrugged, or tried to shrug as best as she could from the position she was in. "Maybe work for the U.N."

"Oh." She didn't know why she felt slightly disappointed by the blonde's answer, but she did. Maybe it was the fact that her answer was all so… _temporary, _or maybe it was the fact that nothing in her answer included anything that was related to love, or being in love, or falling in love, or anything of permanence with others. Shouldn't that, wouldn't that be lonesome? For anyone to be _that _independent?

Emily spun the arrow again, landing on right hand, red. She reached over Naomi and stretched her body as far as she could but, damn it, she for the life of her couldn't reach it.

"Need help there, Ems?" Naomi was smiling smugly below her.

"No, thanks," Emily gritted through her teeth. She'll be damned if she was going to let the blonde win out this one, especially when she knew how Naomi was whenever she won.

_Almost. _She tried to extend her arm farther and vaguely touched it when—

_Fuck. _Her body crumbled on top of Naomi's, taking the blonde down with her.

She felt the blonde laugh below her.

"This is why Twister's a shitty game."

She rolled away from her, not wanting to scare Naomi again like she did last time. "You know you enjoyed it more than you let on."

Naomi turned to look at her with a inscrutable expression on her face. "Would've been better with more people."

_Yeah, it would've, _she thought. But Pandora was still probably crying in the bathroom, her sister's probably doing whatever she's doing with Danny, and Effy—

Shouldn't Effy be back by now? It's been four hours and she still hadn't come in the room yet.

She saw Naomi stand up in the corner of her eye and walked toward a cabinet as she texted the brunette again.

"Christ, all Panda's got are Disney movies."

**Out. Txt to Effy (10:30 PM):** Naomi and me are still in Panda's if you wanna join. Are you OK?

"What'd you want to watch, Ems?"

Emily stood up and walked over to the blonde. "What's there?"

The taller girl sifted through the DVD boxes. "We've got _Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast_—"

She snatched the _Beauty and the Beast _box and opened it.

Naomi looked at her with a mixture of disbelief and judgment. "You can't be serious."

Emily walked over to the DVD player and popped it in. "Seems pretty serious to me," she replied cheekily, walking over to the bed and sitting on it.

"Out of all of those. _This?_"

Emily frowned. "What's wrong with it?"

She shouldn't have asked that.

Naomi sat next to her and proceeded to list all the flaws in _Beauty and the Beast, _the romanticism of manhandling and abuse, the failure of portraying female empowerment as well as the failure of breaking gender stereotypes. Worse yet, the blonde was telling her all this _during _the movie.

"Fuck's sake," Emily groaned. "Just enjoy the movie."

Naomi leaned back against the wall. "Well if you chose a less offensive movie…"

The redhead fell back on the bed in disbelief. "It's a Disney movie! It's meant to be seen by kids!"

"_Exactly,_" Naomi countered. "_Kids _are watching this and are learning to perpetuate these things. Look." She pointed to the telly. "Even the ending. She falls in love with the beast and that's supposed to make her happy. And the beast reverts back to a man. _A man, _Ems. That defeats the entire purpose of the movie."

She shook her head, but a small smile was blooming on her lips. "You're so stubborn."

Her phone vibrated in her pocket.

"Yeah, well," Naomi shrugged.

She took out the phone and opened the message box.

**Inc. Txt fr. Effy (11:58 AM):** Fine. Went home. Have fun with Naomi.

"Who's that?"

Emily looked up at the blonde. "Oh, just Eff. Said she went home and told me to have fun with you."

Naomi froze. "What?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What?"

"I'm not, I—" The blonde stood up from the bed, walked quickly over to Pandora's desk. "I need to leave."

Naomi grabbed her bag and headed toward the door. "See you, Emily," she mumbled hurriedly, and left.

_What the fuck? _What the fuck just happened? One minute they were sitting on the bed and actually getting along, actually being _friends _or _something, _and then next minute she abruptly left?

_Is it because of me? _Emily felt her eyes begin to water. _What did I do wrong?_

She grabbed her bag from the desk and headed downstairs, left the house as quickly as she could, and started walking in an aimless direction. She didn't want to go back home, because she knew that if she went home she was inevitably going to cry and then her sister will get back later and yell at her and she really, really didn't need that. She was already feeling shitty.

She just… she just didn't understand. _Why? _Why did Naomi do that? Why did she just leave after she'd read Effy's text out loud? She didn't understand it, and she couldn't talk it out to anyone because, well, _who _could she talk to about it? Katie would screech in the highest decibels, J.J. wasn't very helpful in these situations, and Effy—

She would understand.

She searched through her contacts and opened Effy's to find her address, and started heading toward the brunette's house.

She then texted her sister.

**Out. Txt to Katie (12:04 AM):** Hey, left to Effy's. Cover for me if you get home earlier than me, please. Be safe. Love you.

Immediate response. Angry Katie.

**Inc. Txt fr. Katie (12:05 AM):** U rrr sssooooo ffuukin deeddd wwwenn i c uuu tmmrrrw

She would've laughed at her sister's text at a different time, how she'd technically get a day of reprieve, because Katie texted her this at midnight. But given the situation, Emily couldn't help but sigh, still holding her phone in her hand. She didn't know how she was going to deal with her sister when she'll inevitably see her tomorrow, didn't know what she was going to say to her, didn't know whether or not Katie was assuming she was gay now or—

God, this day was a mess.

She finally reached the front of Effy's house. She texted her:

**Out. Txt to Effy (12:35 AM):** Outside your front door. Let me in?

There was no response.

She decided to wait outside. For the next few minutes, no one opened the door. She began to think that Effy might've fell asleep already and was about to turn back around and head home when, finally, she heard faint footsteps from inside.

The door opened.

"I didn't know who else to go to because no one else knows and you can just read people and—" Emily rushed out but immediately stopped talking when her eyes adjusted to the dark and saw the brunette's face.

Effy just looked _blank, _and not in the usual way that had a hint of secrecy and condescension and blatant amounts of cynicism. It looked as though she was trying to process something, and she didn't know how.

She looked like how she was in the bathroom earlier at Pandora's, only… _worse_.

Without another word, the brunette walked back inside, leaving the door open, and headed up the stairs.

_What happened to her? _Emily followed her in, closing the door behind her, and walked up the stairs. She found herself stepping inside a boy's bedroom as Effy crawled into the bed and under the covers.

She walked closer toward the brunette, slowly, not wanting Effy to snap at her.

"What happened?" Emily asked in a whisper, but immediately scolded herself for asking. This was Effy she was dealing with, and that was not how the brunette operated.

She shuffled her feet, not knowing whether to come closer than she already was or back away near the door frame, but she looked at Effy again and she looked so small, almost completely hidden under the covers, and her lips were trembling as though she was willing herself not to cry and her eyes looked like glass about to shatter and she just looked so _fragile _that— _God, _she really looked like she needed someone to be there for her right now.

_Fuck it._ If Effy didn't want her there, Emily was sure the brunette could find a way to kick her out of her house.

Emily carefully climbed on the bed next to the brunette, over the covers, leaving an inch of space between them. She tucked her hands under her chin, and waited. Effy was Effy, and as enigmatic as she was, Emily knew that she'd eventually say _something. _Silence may be the brunette's comfort zone, but it definitely wasn't her home.

Did Effy even have a home?

"I fucked Cook," she finally whispered out, her voice sounding so pained and full of regret that it cracked in the middle of the sentence, rendering the last bit inaudible.

Emily bit her lower lip but didn't say anything. She scooted closer and pulled Effy in a hug, patting her hair as she felt the brunette shake against her, as though she was trying to keep them inside, trying to prevent her emotions from taking hold of her.

"I just— I didn't want to feel anymore," the brunette choked out, gripping Emily's shirt, her knuckles turning white.

"And Freddie came and—" Effy shook her head. "I fucked up, Em. I fucked up."

Emily held her tighter, whispered 'it's okay's to her that she knew the brunette probably believed were empty promises, empty words. But she said them anyway, because she couldn't _not _say them to her, because she couldn't help but think that there was something so beautifully tragic about Effy, how she purposefully sabotaged herself for the sake of a self-imposed fate, how she knew others so well but was so unwilling to know herself, how she would rather run from an outcome that wasn't set in stone than to entertain the possibility that it might _not _end that in tragedy.

And yet, Emily didn't ask why she sabotaged herself, why she fucked Cook. She didn't ask because she already knew the answer, because all that echoed in her head right now was their conversation prior, repeating itself in her head, and all she could think about was how eerie it had foreshadowed the brunette's actions. But she wondered if Effy knew what she was doing to herself, that either way, she was going to get hurt, if she knew that, with her self-preservation, getting hurt was an _inevitability._

So when Emily felt Effy stop shaking, felt her breathing stabilize, felt her calm down, she decided to ask.

"Eff," she whispered. Effy looked up at her. "Why do you keep everyone out?"

The brunette gave her a faint smile, one filled with remorse. "If I asked them to stay, they'd still go." She closed her eyes and burrowed her head back under the covers.

Emily closed her eyes tightly at her admission. _God, _Effy _knew _what she was doing to herself. She _knew_ and she kept doing it because of fear, because of doubt, because of believing things would never be how she wanted them to be and—

Emily shook her head deprecatingly at herself. She remembered how that morning, she'd hoped that today was going to be different, and it did end up different; it just wasn't how she wanted it to be, with Katie seeing her kiss Naomi _again _and her sister probably thought she was gay now unless she figured out some way to convince her that she wasn't and with her probably thinking Naomi was gay now which wholly reverted their progress back to square one and with Naomi running away from her so abruptly after what she'd thought they were finally starting a friendship or s_omething _and now with her in Effy's house holding the brunette, trying to prevent her cracks from breaking even more than they already ha—

Emily felt Effy's grip loosened on her shirt.

Her breathing evened out.

_My problems can wait until tomorrow._

She relaxed her eyes and willed herself to fall asleep.


End file.
